Who has the Authority in the House?

[RandyWayne]

Admins: Forgive me if I put this in the wrong place. I was looking for a place called "Family Issues" or such, but I guess based on where the discussion will ultimately go, it could just as well go here.

This is a discussion which has come up in many circles (a few times started by me). Given that in the house you have children, a wife, a husband, then outside of the house you have bosses, mayors, governors, presidents, and pastors. And then there is God.

Often this comes down to a standards discussion but also goes into money matters, even marital sex, family vacations, career choices, and general 'house rules'. Who has the ultimate say in what goes on within the family? Yes, if God said "You shall do THIS!" you better believe I (and you should to) do it. But assuming that very rarely happens, what are your thought on who has the final say how a family is run?

I'm not asking this because I am confused. I have very strong opinions, but would like to know the thoughts of others and why.

[zealwriter]

First GOD (mostly what you read in His word and then if He puts the clamps on you by speaking to your spirit), then there is a responsibility on a parrishioners part to adhere to the teachings of one's spiritual leader. Then, without wavering, the husband is the head of his house. Sometimes I have seen some leaders that modify and make up conditions of cohabitating that have nothing to do with the word of the LORD and I think that is what you're getting at, I think. I think that one should be honest within one's self and make sure that they are going about things prayerfully for one. Two, I think that if one find themselves in a position where things are being imposed on them that have nothing to do with the word of the LORD then there are some things that need to be seriously reviewed. Remember, every way of a man seem right in his own eyes (Prov. 21:2) so then it is easy to think that what one wants he should be able to have. The only sure way is to see if it lines up with the WORD! Whether it's a husband in a house or a leader of a folk, when one ventures into making their way exalted above the LORD'S way neither (person) deserves to be followed; that sounds dogmatic I know. In closing...follow me as I follow CHRIST! ( 1 Cor. 11:1)

[RandyWayne]

Some good thoughts!

First off, my own strong feelings is that the husband, with the wife being a VERY close 2nd, are the final authorities (after God) in the home. Consider that the family is the very first human institution that God created on this planet when He created Eve. "What God has joined together let no man put asunder" is how the pastor usually says it.

In many ways the government deeply respects the institution of marriage even forbidding testimony in the courtroom based on marital privelidge or "pillow talk".
But of course, is on the attack in other ways using such things as "zoning laws" and child welfare advicates to make inrodes into the home.

My big concern for the past couple of decades, as it relates to the church, is that in some organizations the church itself is displacing the family. I see this when some people nearly brag about how busy their Sundays are with church functions from morning to night. But where does their family fit into this? For a husband, who is his greatest ministry? His church or his wife and kids?
I heard a story a few years ago about a pastor who decided one random Wed night to let someone else fill in for him while he rented the Wizard of Oz and sat home with his wife and kids to watch it! I LOVED the idea! For even a pastor has no greater charge than his family!

[Warning: Old story from me] A little over a year ago, we left our church when our new pastor of 4 months taught a "marriage seminar" class. We sat in on it and were taught about the evils of birth control, how sex was not allowed during a womans 'cycle' NOR during the one week 'Levitical' cleansing period NOR during Saturday -because it was the day before Sunday. He also taught some blatantly wrong things about Downs syndrome and how it was the result of conception during the 'cleansing period' versus just a risk factor of conception as a couple gets older. We walked out of the church, never to return, that morning. But alas, many couples who thought his teaching was bull, in the time since have come to accept it!

The point is, that I feel strongly that God has placed NO spiritual leader to have ANY say over the family. God may use such a leader, or ANYONE to warn a family member when things are amiss, but that in no way means authority has somehow been granted over the husband.

[zealwriter]

Heb 13:17 Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.

[Renee29]

This is a good topic. I am a people pleaser by nature. I was taught to respect and not to question authority (no, I was NOT raised UPC or anything even close) So sometimes I have felt torn between my Pastor and my husband. However, it's probably mostly my own problem. If my Pastor asked me to be involved in a minsistry etc and my husband said no, my Pastor would stop right there.

[RandyWayne]

So sometimes I have felt torn between my Pastor and my husband.

There should NEVER be a problem between the two. I do look at my pastor as an authority figure, but then I also do my instructors in college, my bosses at work, and the elected president of our Wine & Roses dance club.

Jesus said render onto Ceaser what is Ceasers and unto God what is Gods. So we see that God respects man-made authority and tells US to do the same. But the ultimate authority in the household is the family itself. For any ONE individual to claim otherwise, I feel is dangerous.