I'm newly married, and need advice

[allfiredup]

She has been an apostolic for almost 2 decades.
The problem is, I went to several nonapostolic pentecostal churches, for about a decade, before becoming an apostolic over a year ago, so I do know the word, but I am not seen as one to be respected, or with wisdom.
I went to an apostolic church, as my first church, and got the baptism of spirit there, and when I moved, I didn't really know the difference...but always looked at God as one.
Anyways, I wouldn't be here if it was just a matter of her respecting me, not mouthing off, or allowing me the authority I should have as a spiritual leader of the household.
I'm here, because she's addicted to pills, I can't hardly get her to go to church...but like I said, she's the expert?
Or her ex is...but he beat on her, and cheated, and finally left her.
So I don't know every scripture on every apostolic doctrine and such, I'm still learning, I quit smoking, and I quit drinking, though that was only moderate.
I am saying to you men, and I am sorry for all those details....what do you do, when they just out right keep on doing things, like taking pills, or if I miss one service (she misses a lot) she starts in on -"I knew it, see how you are!"
What I am saying is she tries to keep the focus on me, whether I really mean it, or says I am a hypocrite, or is on me, for whatever I do...to keep the focus of herself...
So what do you do guys, when they are just really out of line in their actions, and their responses are such?
I've been married before, twice, and both times I helped each woman really grow, and their kids too (one even became valedictorian) what I am saying, is "usually" I was with women who had no job, and they were not saved...and I just steered them upwards, in the faith, in their jobs, where we lived...etc
This one has a good job, and had the faith, so I thought it'd be easier?
pray , and any advice would be appreciated, the biggest thing right now is the addiction to pills, she's in danger of losing her job, and got in a slight wreck in her car recently.
I have already said I don't want her to take them, and if she keeps going on, she'd lose her job, or wreck the car, or o.d.-and some of these things have been happening, right now she's listening, because she's in the "I'm so sorry" phase of the addiction, I won't anymore, I promise...but next will come her picking on every little thing about me, and from here, she goes to doing whatever she wants...and could care less if I like it...
I think spiritwise, this is a haughty spirit she let's in.

[ddc101]

Oh I so feel bad for you.Please take this to your pastor and ask advice.You
guys need to get into marriage counseling.Jesus can do it my brother.Its not
a good idea to post her weaknesses here.What if she would read you saying this online? Listen to what I am going to say.Marriage is not easy.You have
to work at it.Go to your pastor.You need guidance.lv sis.c

[Bro.Sam]

There is deliverance from addiction (drugs, alcohol, whatever) but the person with the addiction has to admit the problem, admit that they cannot help themselves, and turn to Jesus for help. Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, and 12 step programs ministered in churches can and do work. Many of the people in those organizations do not even know the name of their "Higher Power" but God is very merciful and accommodating and helps if they let Him.

[barsharona]

Please clarify:


Is there a legitimate medical reason for your wife to be taking meds?

Are these illegal drugs? (Are there children in the home and are they in danger?)
Are these recreational drugs?
Did she have a previous and/or existing medical condition?
Have you accompanied her on any medical office visits?

Are you sure her overall health/condition is good?


(please do not post your answers. please identify what is actually taking place and then proceed to the next step, in getting the help you both need.)

[RandyWayne]

There have been a number of these threads started on various message boards and the problem is that they are ALL far far more complicated than what can possibly be stated in an opening post.

Counseling is the way to go. And unless your pastor is particularly trained in this area, please seek ADDITIONAL counsel in someone who is. You didn't say what types of pills or for what. Surgery, arthritis?

[allfiredup]

Wow, thank you for four responses, and like the last guy said, there's just SO much-I just spitout "some" of it, and will now try to respond specifically to your input.
to Dana -go to your pastor and don't post here
That's of course the most scriptural reply, but that's where the root of the problem is also.
To me, he's my pastor, I should be able to go to him, BUT she's been there so long, it's her pastor, and her friends there...
And her last marriage resulted in her being in the room with the pastor, and her husband, almost weekly for 3 years!
So that's been "overdone"
That's why she doesn't feel real comfortable there anymore.
We started visiting another apostolic church in the area, we belong to upc and its aljc, and she's really more comfortable there, and there's no past-and she got healed there physically of her pain, 80 percent or so.
She also got deliverance of her cravings and didnt take any for almost 2 weeks, but slipped, recently.
I have been NOT FOR her leaving where she's been going for so long bUT am telling her to at least make her appearances enough to not draw attention, and we have been getting what we need at this new place!
So we will see.
I have to tell someone, or get advice somewhere...she did lose her job and wreck the car, so this is serious, but i see no reason to go to the new pastor immediately, i think he senses there are things, and theres a couple there shes known for years, who i figure already knows the jist of it
I am not real comfortable, and neither is she, with na or aa, and i dont mean to step on anyones toes, but my last wife tried that, and fell into a click there, and started working the program dishonestly, and had an affair there, so im not comfortable with that, or wordly counseling either, its the church, and the pastor, or nothing at all.
Thats my opinion, what works for others, i will not knock, but she's in agreement with me on this view.
to barashona-yours is the most thoughtout response!
the kids are fine, theres support there, whether it be me, or her mom , when she goes on a binge, we all stepin
they are pain meds, and the non narcotic ones work good enough, but she has means of getting them other places, a friend, a relative, and her work, as a nurse, though i dont see her doing that again now that she lost a job because of it...
but i went to her doctor with her, and explained, no pain meds, that shes addicted
and like i said, she was healed of most of the pain
i think i replied to all-Jesus can do this I know, but it's her making the choice, other influences that have drugs....that readily tempt her, and the whole sticky switching of churc hes...
Is it just me, or is that always such a sticky thing?
In my town, theres a couple apostolic churches, and when someone switches, watch out!
whoever leaves, the remaining people act as if the ones that left backslid...but often they go on much more victoriously, it seems to me, and may be are solution also.
man I hope I dont open a can of worms up with that one....

[allfiredup]

I am still a new convert, and have researched the different apostolic organizations history, and myself am on "no sides" what matters to me the most, is we attend somewhere, and feel his presence, worship freely and hear the word, and stay filled with the holy ghost.
It's about jesus, to me, and not which demonination, you think we could have that kind of unity as believers, if we are all apostolic, and I am sure here on the forum, maybe we do, compared to small towns, where feelings get hurt when people leave, or switch, or backslid, because we get attached to fellowshipping with one another.
I fellowship with, as a new convert, people from the 3 in the area, I dont see why not?

[NanaRenan]

Allfiredup, Sister Dana wasn't being dismissive when she suggested you take it to your pastor. She just meant that seeking 'advice' from posters on a forum will get you a lot of responses, but not a lot of legitimate help.

We will take your need to the Lord.

I fully understand how your wife's past history with previous relationships could make you feel like you would get less than ideal objectivity from that pastor at this point. I would hope and pray that he could be understanding of that and refer you to someone in your area who is trained and could help. Either way, it's probably always best to at least make the shepherd aware there is a problem and a need for prayer.

I also understand all too well the mindset of some that if you move to another church you've essentially backslidden. And in my opinion, that's just a play the devil sets up and we jump at the chance to help him discourage people by playing along.

My brother, the best advice I can give is lay it all on the altar. There are a LOT of things going on here. Just make a list, get on your knees and say, "Lord, here it is. You're gonna have to help me, because I just can't carry it alone anymore."

It's been my experience that most of the time that is all the Lord is waiting on is for me to admit that I am incapable of getting myself or anyone else out of any situation without His Divine Intervention!!!

Again -- you will be in our prayers!!

[allfiredup]

Well...once again I wholeheartedly agree with the scripturalness of the advice
But for one example-of the depth of the situation i'm in-I talked one time to the pastor about something, and she suspected I'd talked to him about her, and threatened not to ever go again, if I'd said bad things about her, said the same to him...and me and him talked later of her sensitivity...her paranoa that we (or me) were talking about her...he told her-'he didn't say anything bad about you..." and he told me, "I don't wanna lose her, I am worried about her salvation, do whatever it takes"
So to me, thats not an option, I think she was controlled that way before, which was wrong, but that's her past

[allfiredup]

I wish i could re-do that whole last reply, and I geuss I could edit
But the thing really is-that she's only went to "her church" on easter sunday, and about a month ago...so about once a month?
So she is so worried about him (her pastor) knowing anything, giving him another headache...
Yet at the new place we go, she has went forth at the altar call for her back pain (healed) her addiction (and she aqdmitted it to him, on her own) and her cravings went away...for 2 weeks...she slipped but...I feel if she can't get what she needs at the altar, that she would maybe be willing to talk to this new guy, in his office with me...so pray, for me, for her, for us
I have been taking it to the altar, i got isaiah chapter 37 and 38 from the lord I feel-for this whole situation
You know, the enemy showed up, and said, my army is right on the edge of town, we are gonna come in and kick butt, why don't you just surrender
He told the people, don't even respond to him, and he went to the prophet, who ensured him, everythings ok
and later, the enemy (after 186,000 of his soldiers were smote-killed) said "i'll be back" in a letter-but he put that letter at the altar
I feel like this is that...God said, it'd be ok...she was delivered....he came back-once-and tried to intimadate
but its time to just step outta the way and let God come thru and kick butt
I have a lot of faith that out of this, there will be a mighty testimony
Instead of being ashamed of having people know her problem, someday she'll be standing up, i front of others, saying-"I used to have this problem, but the lord delivered me!"
Evil grows in the dark, that's a biblical principle, and I'd lie to see her delivered, or we will go to this new pastor and maybe try to discuss it with him
That's why you advise we go to our pastor, evil does grow in the dark, I'v ebeen there, done that, that's partially why I am here (I had no one to go to for advice, or to get prayer) I feel my brothers and sisters here, even those that didn't reply have played a part, in pushing back the kingdom of darkness and I thank you

[ddc101]

I admire that you care enough about your wife to bring her to a place where she can get delivered.That is what she needs.Its not a good thing for her to work around medication.I am praying that you get what you need.God can do what no man can do.He does operate through the church in the gifts.Don't worry about popular opinion just go to church.A step toward the altar is the best step.

[allfiredup]

TY
yeah shes got no job now, and so maybe later she won't go around meds till shes strong enough, or find a job where she doesnt go around them, a blood place maybe
anyways thank you all so much

[RandyWayne]

Any updates?