What to do about a constantly complaining husband??

[Just Jesus]

I'm hoping you ladies can give me some thoughts on how to deal with a constantly complaining husband. My husband doesn't constantly complain about everything, just his job. He hates his job and is constantly complaining about it. This has been going on for several years. We've been married 7 years and he's had 3 jobs in this time. He's hated every one. I personally think that his problem is that he's an idealist. I've tried every angle from sympathizing, empathizing to tough love, praying about it, praying with him about it etc. The complaining really drains me. Can you sisters give me any advice?

[tufluv]

Turn on some christian music to change the mood? :shrug:
and remind him of who is really in charge and can help. Sing along. Do something to distract him into a good mood. :o
Old habits die hard. He may not even be aware that he is always complaining.
I speak from experience, I was raised by chronic complainers, bad tempers, negativity...you name it,and it can unfortuneately stick around for a lifetime even! :eek:
Has he ever tried self-employment doing something he likes and is good at? Most people don't like to have to work, and doing one that is monotonous, unchallenging, or stressful, can make matters worse. We here do our own contracting., and I like that better than sitting at a desk 40 hrs wkly. Its good honest labor., I also do 'sit down' computer paperwork, as well.

[pentecostal mom]

Tufluv has given good advice. The only thing I have to add is to annoint your home and pray for him. Annoint the doors and windows throw out any spirits that aren't Christlike,places where your hubby spends alot of time like his favorite chair, home office, his side of the bed and even his clothes closet. I have done this before and when I do and really get serious about praying for my husband I see results. Hope this helps.

[pentecostal mom]

oh by the way if you don't have olive oil wesson will do the trick just as well.

[Felicity]

Hi Pentecostal Mom....
Constant complaining is draining - period - no matter what it's about and no matter who does it.

Your husband needs to look for a new job and you need to talk to him honestly about how his complaining affects you.

As the leader/head of your home, he needs to keep in mind that he is responsible for your well-being --- not to wear you out and down by constantly complaining. He probably doesn't even realize that this is what he's doing.

Yes, wives need to be a sounding board and we need to encourage and help our husbands, but there's only so much we can do. You can't change the situation for your husband. Only he can do that.

He needs to also remember that the Bible teaches us to be thankful. There are many men who would love to have a job and can't find one.

[Felicity]

Another thought, have you ever read Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian? It's an excellent book! I recommend it highly for every married woman to read.

[ddc101]

I too have that book.It is a great prayer guide for wives to pray.What you can do for a complaining husband is keep your lips closed on the issue and commit it to prayer.I like to share postive things with my husband.Things constantly are going through his mind.I want to be the sunshine in his day.This am after prayer I took him breakfast.Its the little things that count.You can make his home life so happy that he will run home to be with you.
My friend who has been in church and married over thirty years says she cleans up and puts on nice music.She makes sure she looks nice and has a smile on her face.She fixes his dinner and takes the time to encouage him when he comes home.We sometimes do not realize what wars against our husbands on the job.Men at work can have trash can mouths and exercise filthy things in their minds all day.Plus theres egomania to contend with.It can wear down anyone.I was told recently by one of the ministers who works offshore that the playboy channel is on every tv out there very very loud and you are not allowed to change the channel.He says its gone almost totally xxx now and there you are in your bunk hearing screams and stuff like the honeymooners live next door through a very thin wall.Hey men go through alot. Consider next time your husband tells you things about his job in asking him if you could go on a three day fast for God to change things around.Pray for him.lv sis.c

[Just Jesus]

I appreciate all your comments. Pentecostal mom, yep I've done that with the oil and prayer all over his office and things. I've tried encouraging him, making his home life wonderful etc. everything you wise ladies have suggested. In April, I went on a week long fast for the situation. An man of God told us in prayer, that God has put us in this trial. I believe him. However, it's gone on for about 5 years and I'm very weary.

[ddc101]

Then your next step sister is to begin to walk through your house and thank God for this trial.He is trying to mold you into something by this pressure.lv sis.c

[Just Jesus]

I guess this is me complaining.....but 5 years is a long trial.

[dllong]

Shoot him... :-)

[ddc101]

Sister I had a twelve year trial and thought I would need a new mind for sure or else mental health drugs etc.But Jesus just when I was about to give up came and rescued me.lv sis.c

[pentecostal mom]

Do you have a ladies prayer group in your area? They are wonderful and uplifting. The important thing is not to let yourself be beat down. Don't allow anything around you that is down try to surround yourself with strong Godly women. Have a prayer meeting in your home---do a spritual cleaning get any thing out that might not be like God sometimes things are brought into your home that you don't realize. Pray scriptures over your home and your family.

[ddc101]

Be the safe haven that husband needs when he comes home.He may not really be constantly complaining but confiding in you his deepest thoughts and things that trouble him the most.Be glad because his heart must really trust in you.I read about that in the women of proverbs.You are actually doing something right sister when I think about it.My husband admittedly unloads stuff on me because I will not judge him on it and he knows I will tell him straight out if he is off on the issue.He trusts my judgement.For this I am glad.If I shut him out who knows that when he is in deep need to talk that someone else wouldn't be gladder to have him tell them.Guard your house.Pray a hedge about it.lv sis.c

[pentecostal mom]

How true How true Sister! Sometimes my hubby gets his "belly full" with knowing too much that is going on within and I have to remind him to have a right attitude.

[Blest]

I thought this forum was for women only.

[pentecostal mom]

You know men the surest way to have them show up is to tell them not to.

[Felicity]

I always welcome a man's perspective. Even when they're joking. :)

[John Atkinson]

All of the forums are open to whoever wants to post there.

To be on topic I spent 9 years at a job I utterly despised and hated. Every moment spent there was spent counting the minutes until I could leave. I dreaded getting up in the morning to go to the place. Working men feel with families feel obligated (rightly so) to continue doing what brings in the bacon, even if they cannot stand it. Sometimes the only way to get it out is vent by complaining. It worked for me.

He can't complain at the job about the job. So lucky you, you get to listen. My only suggestions are: a) pray, and b) be supportive of a career change, even if it means hubby has to go to school nights there fore spending less time with you, or even if it means tightening up and enduring life with less money.

There is nothing more draining on a man than to spend 8 or 12 hours in a day doing something he hates. I know that from experience. While his complaints are draining on you, it's probably not half as draining as his job he hates is on him.

I am not necessarily taking his side, however, that is what I experienced first hand. In my case the cause was partially unfulfilled ministry as I am "doing" in many cases the same exact thing here for God that I did for IMS on the job, but here I love it.

Fortunately in my case I am now doing what I love. And my wife is supportive.

[ddc101]

I love hearing a mans point of view on that subject.
Now Brother John what about a constantly complaining wife? lv sis.c

[John Atkinson]

I'll leave that to the ladies, my wife only gripes about house cleaning and usually then at my daughter who basically refuses to do anything. :D

[Rico]

Sister, the reason your husband complains so much about his job is for one reason: He still hasn't learned how to give those negative feelings and the resentment he feels to God. Therein lies your answer. On the trip home from work he needs to be praying and shaking off the days stresses. Kinda the same way we begin to pray about church even before we get there so we don't drag anything into the temple with us that we shouldn't. That is my answer to you from a spiritual perspective. From a psychological level it is very difficult for a man to be "careerless." The older a man gets the more aware he becomes of how set the course of his life is. The days of getting a job somewhere and keeping it for 35 years are over in this country. Eventually, you begin to feel that you are wasting your time, in a dead end job and that it will always be that way. We're programmed to have some type of career, Sister, not just a job. Jobs are temporary, but careers have a sense of permanence to them that help ease a man's mind. As was already posted, you women and our children are our responsibility. Personally speaking, I was 33 before I found my career. I am an insurance agent. I will be an insurance agent until I retire. I may not work for the same agency until I retire, but I will be an insurance agent. I hope this helps.