preachers/pastors opinions

[amanda]

I have a question about dating in the church. Do you preachers on here think that a saint shouldn't date outside of the "church"? Not talking the church where they go, but the Church that will make the rapture.
My pastor thinks that you men, women, and young people shouldn't date a person that isn't saved. I was just wondering if any of you preach it the same way, differently, or just don't touch it.
I know how I see it, I believe that you shouldn't because it can pull you down in your walk with God, and sometimes you'll fall out of church. It happened once to me. almost twice, but I've seen it happen in situations with my friends. There's a guy that I would absolutely love to date, but he's catholic and I know that I don't need that right now. My life is great, my family isn't where I want it to be, but I know that I can always just pray about it and God will remind me of the promise that He made to me that He's going to bring them in. So my life is great, and to date a guy that isn't saved, well, it might feel great at first, but I would get convicted and two weeks later we'd both get hurt when I call it off. So I know how I see it.
But I was just curious on your point of views...

Thanks,
Amanda

[Truthseeker]

It's simple, saved only date saved period!

[Hnovilla]

His Name is Jesus!

At age 35, I had not seen my dad for a couple of years. The Last time we spoke, he said, in his gruff voice, that I shouldn't marry until he met my future wife and OK'd her. I said I would respect his wisdom and his experience. He passed away before I ever met my wife.
On the day that I found out about my dad's passing, I wept; and the above conversation came to my mind. I told the Lord that my dad was not going to be around formy wedding, but that could He please CHOOSE my wife for me. Two months later, He did.
Sister Lupita and I never dated, nrever kissed, and never even held hands. I just prayed to the Lord and, unknown to me, so did she. One day I looked at her and said, "You are bones of my bones, and flesh of my flesh." She said, 'Amen'. We began to make our wedding plans.
That was 22 years ago.

Brother Villa

[nytxn1971]

Amanda,

2Corinthians 6:14-16 says:
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? (15) And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? (16) And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in [them]; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.

Also Amos 3:3 says:
Can two walk together, except they be agreed?

I'm not going to get off on a tangent about my opinions of dating itself, but if you're dating, it's with the hopes of finding someone to marry, right? Why on earth would a Christian want to join themselves physically, emotionally, and spiritually in the sight of God to someone who does not have God's Spirit living in them?

Jesus and the Church (who is HIS bride) have the same Father. Who is the 'father' of the unbeliever?

Why would someone who has the Holy Ghost want to be romantically involved with someone who does not? The other person is carnal and has no idea about the things of God. What would they have to talk about? But here's another more prerssing question for you... how long do you think that Holy Ghost filled person would remain in God's house if they were romantically involved with someone of the world?

[pastorb]

I also believe dating is a precurser to marraige you don't date to try people out and you don't date unsaved people if you are saved, because then you would be unequally yoking yourself with that which is unclean.

I agree 200% bro Villa no kissing, rubbing, until the preacher says you may now kiss the bride.

I consider kissing an intimate act much like sex as far as giving of yourself or placing a member (tongue) inside someones mouth.

Therefore, before marriage it is wrong.

[amanda]

wow, I hadn't expected so many posts this soon. But that's great! And I agree one-hundred percent with everything you guys said. But for me, dating a guy is a temptation. And the Devil fights you the hardest when you're strong. Whether this is the devil or just life I think that it's a trial I have to go through to make my walk with God stronger.

Thanks soo much for the responces that I got. and that was a really great story that you shared with us Bro. Villa

God Bless!

[pastorb]

Just a question.

Does this mean that even though you considered our opinions right on, you're going to date anyway as a means of gaining strength in your ability to not let anything happen?

[Goodshepherd]

Jesus is more than enough to keep us all until the right time for dating which is (my opinion) courtship with the brother or sister you are planning to marry. Amanda, I am 21. I get pressured, but I asked God for strength daily to keep me until it is the right time.

[survivor4christ]

Thank you, Bro. Villa, for sharing that testimony. Gives me encouragment.

Amanda...

First I want to personally welcome you to the GNC. I saw this thread and when I read up on it, I knew I had to post. Some here know of my testimony, but I will share it with you.

I was newly divorced, a single mother of two kids. Lonely, desparately wanting to be with someone. So I started dating someone who, while he was a church member, was not saved. I figured this guy would be ok, moral, and would treat me and the kids alright. And he did, at first...

But the more we tried to talk on things of the Spirit, the more he just didn't get it. I always felt like I was talking down to him.

Then the conversation would become ungodly; we eventually fell into sexual sin. After awhile I couldn't take it no more, I was so sickened by this double life I was leading, that I went to his apt. to break it off. I figured that everything would be fine in that his teenage son was home.

When I told him I couldn't take it no more and that it was over, he flipped and forced himself on me. It was the most degrading, the most debilitating experience I have ever encountered. B/c I just knew I had the victory over the enemy of my soul.. I had had enough and had made up my mind that I wasn't going to live like this. I love the Lord.

Then the enemy got nervous (I suppose) and caused this man to commit a crime against someone he said he loved. And we were both members of the same church! This made matters even worse; b/c when I went to the leader of the church, he didn't believe me and accused me of being seductive and provocative, that I was asking for it...

And while this hurt immensely, in a sense, he was right. How?

B/c I gave place to the devil...I should not have ever slept with him from the jump.

Not only does the Word tells us to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers, it also says that we are to give no place to the devil...that we are to...

1 ... walk and to please God, so ye would abound more and more.
2 For ye know what commandments we gave you by the Lord Jesus.
3 For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication:
4 That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour;
5 Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God:
6 That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified.
7 For God hath not called us unto uncleanness, but unto holiness (1 Thessalonians 4:1-7)

Plainly put...

Guys in the world (and a lot in the church) are consumed with the things of this world, and of their flesh. Not all, but a lot. And God placed commandments about who we are to hook up with b/c He knows we become one with them. And oil and water does not mix, know what I mean?

God wants us to be pure, it gives Him glory when we do. But we must know HOW to be pure. What is impurity? It is defined as contamination, pollution. When we mix, in particular, when we mate with the ungodly, we are trying to make salad dressing. But oil and water will never mix, ever! We are a peculiar people, an holy nation...and are admonished by God to be separate. God knows what is best for His People, and what we need...

Even if you are strongly for not dating unbelievers, put do not diligently and prayerfully putting it into practice, you are giving place to the devil.

I did.

I went to this guy's house foolishly believing I was doing the right thing...I was trying to break it off. But it ended up in disaster. I acted unwisely...

The devil laughed all in my face. "You are mine forever; you will never be able to live for God again..."

But that devil lied! Glory be to God!!!


Be wise, my sister. Don't even give a second thought to dating unbelievers. I would go as far to say do not date; hence the term 'date rape.' It's a setup by satan, a setup for defeat... It can happen, even in the church, as I found out...

The devil wants your virtue, your glory, your life. Give no place to the devil and he has to flee!

Love, Sis. Wenona

[Adoniyah]

Sister Wenona,

Words of wisdom, great words of wisdom, indeed.

[BroDane]

I agree, great post sister! :tup: :tup:

[servant]

Dating outside the Church? Don't do it!!! Many young people are deceived into thinking "I can win him/her to the Lord." Most of the time it doesn't work out that way. Most of the time the church member ends up doing things they shouldn't have done, or getting out of church altogether.
I can think of several people right now who are involved in marraiges (or were involved), to non-believers and their lives are miserable.
No "missionary dating" for my children. I'll even take it a step farther. Just because a person goes to church don't make them right! I'd check out their attendance, worship and praise, prayer life, etc. Is he/she a Euthychus, sleeping during the preaching and about to fall out of the church? I want my children to be with ones who will encourage them and build them up, not drag them down.

God bless,

Serv :)

[amanda]

Just a question.

Does this mean that even though you considered our opinions right on, you're going to date anyway as a means of gaining strength in your ability to not let anything happen?

Pastor B.,
no, I won't be dating him.... and I do agree on everything that everyone on here has posted. While I would love to believe that it would give me strength to overcome if I did date him, I honestly don't believe that it would. But i need more strength now, because I have to get over him, whether I like him or not, I can't date him.

Sis. Wenona,
That is such a powerful story. It really encourages people to do the right thing.


Thank you all for your posts.
God Bless!
Amanda

[pastorb]

Flash there has been a recent upheval,

There is a boy at one of our sister churches who likes my daugther. She didn't know how old he was and vice versa.

My duaghter is graduating this year and is very mature and carries her self as a strong young black woman of God. She's my Praise leader. This young man who didn't know her age is 20.

He had the nerve to call me and ask me if he could talk to my daughter over the phone, and that he understands that she is 16 (and will be 17 in July), but that he is willing to wait until she turns 18. I told him, you can visit our church with your pastor or parents, but you can not come over my house and she can not go any where with yo until she is 18 period. His parents are assoc. Pastor.

If something is to come of this and believe me I am praying now like nobodies business, it will have to be God. Because she is not moving at all. She will continue college and graduate next year with her A.A. in Business Management and then go on to North Carolina A&T where my wifes brother has a law firm there. She will be surrounded by family and the Holy Ghost in prayer.

I told ya'll I don't do dating but this is the one who made me a day and she is my baby so pray for me.

[OurLordisone]

great post Sis Wenona. MY cousin Who grew up in the Church backslid due to the same reasons that is mention on the board. She was very active in the Church. She then met a guy that was not Saved. At the time, Her intention was to win the guy over to Christ. That is not the case now. This happen Four years ago and She is now 31. She went ahead and marry this Guy and She is no longer in the Church. Her Life is literally a Living HEll. The guy walk out on her and She is Still going after him. She claims that She loves him. To me that is the spirit of Obsession. She has at times consider Suicide. If she continues down this path, I am afraid that she might end up doing it. I am praying for her that One day she Will realize the destruction that lies ahead If she continues on this path, and turn Her Life over to Jesus. Please pray for her. Pastorb I am praying for you, Please for me too. Please for our Young people becuase the devil is using this to try to bring them down.

God BLess
OurLordisone

[Oldpreach]

Amanda, regarding your first question, why would we ever date someone that we cannot marry ??? There are many scriptures , when viewed in totality teach us that it is simply a sin to marry outsided of the body of christ. Also , as so many secular folks say , including Dr. Laura , whom i agree with 110% , what kind of bad idea is this? You want to marry someone that doest even share the foundational theme of your life ??? And then curse your children to a 2 religion family? Thats just the tip of the iceberg. Its simply insane to even consider. Capeesh ?

Pastorb , you wrote "She will continue college and graduate next year with her A.A. in Business Management and then go on to North Carolina A&T where my wifes brother has a law firm there."

This is the goal of our society today , thrust our daughters into the workforce. Gods plan is for the younger women to marry , bare children , guide the house. Please consider what i write. If there is a Godly man that can be in her life ,(not to say the one you mention is) , then to do anything but encourage this is to frustrate God and her. Having 2 daughters myself , I can share your sense of protectiveness, so please dont think that im just sounding off. Its very hard for me to think of them getting hitched also ! But , alas , its to be someday...sigh...

[ddc101]

Hi Sister Amanda,
I met my husband at a conference and it was Gods will or I would not have dated him even though he was in the Church.I believe only in courtship not dating.A good book for you to read is
I Kissed Dating Goodbye.We are not trying on hats for resurrection Sunday but lifemates.Somethings are reserved for marriage and that would be emotional intimacy as well as physical.Plus theirs the added stress of deciding the person is not right for you and having to tell someone something hurtful.What I would suggest is going out in a group and praying for God to send the right person and inviting them over to dinner with your family present and let you Dad and mom be a judge of his character.That is the truly biblical authority concerning a young unmarried woman.lv sis.c

[amanda]

ddc,
I have heard soo many people on different boards talk about that book, I hear that's it's great. And to be honest, I had a problem with being single. But I've been single for too long now to care if I have a guy. If it's God's will then it's His will. I won't interfere if I can help it. But that doesn't mean that we don't want things to be. whether they can be or not. I know a guy right now that I would absolutely love to date. We have alot in common besides Church. He isn't in church so I WILL NOT date him. I won't allow myself and we've talked about it. Neither one of us want a relationship right now. It wouldn't help either of us. We're fixing to graduate and probably end up going different ways, so we won't do it.
PastorB,
I think I'm confused, your daughter is 16 and in college right NOW??? is she a genius or am I just misunderstood??

[pastorb]

Yes she is in college. No she is not a genius, she is just driven and on course with what she wants.

She started college a year and a half ago. What a lot of people don't know is that kids can attend college classes as long as they can handle the pressure and have their school's permission.

She will graduate in June from high school and from the college next year with her A.A. at 17. From there, she will go to North Carolina A & T as a Junior and receive her M.B.A in Business Managment by the time she's 20 and she'll do it.

She is the leader of our Praise and worship team, Was the head of Students for Christ at the High school, Youth leader of Unified Youth now, and she does not date boys primarily because I won't let her and she is too busy to think about somebody thats her age not saved and 6 years behind her in thinking and absolutely nothing spiritual to talk about. She doesn't dance accept in church and home, She doesn't listen to worldly music.

I know that the person who persues my daughter better have his life on the ball for God because betrween her grandparents that have been married for 40 years and her mother and I who have been married for 18, and her aunt and uncle who were virgins when they got married she has a whole host of examples before her so as not to mess up.

And I declare by the power of Jesu Christ you can do it too. Your husband will find you and he will be a man after God's own heart and he will love you as Christ loved the Church and gave himself for it, but don't settle for anything less. God will show him to you tell you when he's coming and he'll show up.

My wife tells my daughters that she used to pray and tell God what she wanted in a husband and that she got what she asked for. God is faithful. I loved my wife before I ever saw her, we met over the phone three thousand miles apart. I praposed the 2nd time we talked and four months later we met in person, 5 months later we were married. I told all my Friend I was marrying a california girl befor she stepped of the plane. I cut every tie I had to anybody else besides her, I was done. And today I still tell her I love her so much she makes my heart hurt. God's love is explosive, I can't even begin to express how much I love my wife, I see myself 10 or 15 years from now and she is always there right by my side and that is God who put us together.

No sweetheart, you don't have to date anybody, let God set you up because when God does it, it will be right, and you will be too excited and happy to even come tell us about it.

God bless you and I hope all your dreams come true, mine did.

Peace, my Sister

[accurate]

. here is my 2 cent contribution

[bishop1]

ABSOLUTELY NOOOOOOOOOO WAY !
My answer is no.
and again I say No.
Just what part of No do you understand ?

The Holy Ghost That Is Within You will cause you to question and reason why you shouldn't date outside of the Truth.

Let me relate a case in point;
Several years ago when we were living in Tennessee, the local Basketball star fell hopelessly in LOVE with my sister. As she reasoned of wheither she should or should not date him, after all he was a perfect gentleman, handsome, athletic, college student on a scholarship, and 6'6'' tall {but he was baptist}. He had everybody fooled but me and I knew that somebody had to do something about it.

My dad accepted the pastorate of a Church in South Bend, In. and even tho my sister was working in an office after her high school graduation she was persuaded to move with us. God had an Apostolic Husband for her in the South Bend Church and they celebrated their 50th on 2/14/2003.

Sister # 2 met her future husband at work. When he asked her out she told him that she would only date an Apostolic.
Solution to that problem; Bob started attending a strange Apostolic Church with a completely different type of service order than his RCC. During a sunday night service the Holy Ghost convicted him and He Repented. Got Baptized in JESUS NAME, and received the Holy Ghost.

So Sister, Stay faithful to God and He will give you an Apostolic Husband.
:bow:

[pastorb]

Bishop1 are you a mamber of the Rowe Family, Apostolic Tabernacle?

[amanda]

Pastor B,
thank you sooo much. I need all the encouragement that I can get. My parents don't too much care who I date as long as he isn't a thug. Anyhow, I am Irish, and most people who are Irish are impatient. I'm no exception. But i guess the Lord is just trying to teach me patience. well, anyhow, thanks again and I think that it's wonderful that your daughter has such a great example in front of her.