Defining a spirit of Ahab

[ddc101]

While posting on another thread I was reminded of a book
I read it spoke about a spirit of Ahab.
Ahab was capable but he allowed Jezebel to do all his bidding for him.In fact I would suggest that Ahab was an enabler.We have much of this going on in our society.Women who have the whole
responsibility of the household put upon them by lazy irresponsibles who refuse to take up the lead that they are supposed to.Then we end up with women who cannot define their God given roles and are labeled unsubmissive.I know this is probably going to be a heated topic so get your glass of ice tea before you post.lv sis.c

[foreverblessed]

I guess I would have to pretty much agree with what you have stated about men refusing to take responsiblity, and both roles being taken up by the women. I think in a lot of cases you would find women willing to submit and come under the proper authority of a man, if the man would do what they are supposed to.
Society has put down men for so long, undermined their position and place in the family. I hate to say it, but TV programs and other media making men look like idiots that are not capable of doing anything right, has added to the problem. Dr. Dobson has a lot to say about this. I think he talks about it in his book on raising boys.

A lot of men haven't been raised with fathers giving them good examples on how to be fathers and husbands. They don't have the self assurance that they are were made to fulfil this role, and the encouragement to do so.

Men have to be built up in self esteem and made to feel like they are capable of conquering the world.

JMO

ddc, you should have put this subject under general discussions, you might get more bites.

[ddc101]

Actually Sis.Forever it shows up under new threads and postings each time we post.
I am really disappointed in how the Disney corp. has been viewing parents as stupid.The girl I care for watches this channel alot and just viewing some of the commercials makes me sick in the stomach at how they talk down about parents.Especially the cartoon the proud family.They make the dad on this cartoon look like a stupid idiot.That just fosters rebellion and disrespect.lv sis.c

[tufluv]

I agree wholeheartedly with the above posts on how men are beaten down, parents as a whole made to look stupid, BUT, this is coming from worldly people, who have money to make these stupid sitcoms, the norm, for this world of darkness...I exhort anyone who will listen to tune that stuff out..!
This is no spiritual edification in it, they serve only to mock our LORD JESUS's model for families.
SHAME ON THEM!! and anyone who partakes of this _ _ _ _!!!

[committed]

Hi sisters,
Really since women lib, it has been an uphill battle having clear and distinct lines. Women are doing men's jobs, with manly spirits... One thing I have seen, and plenty in the church, I might add, is women who are so aggressive they over rule their husbands. Many of the men take it, because not to do so would cause a lot of arguing (which I have seen) and a lot of bad attitudes. Believe me, when I say it isn't just submissive men, it is overbearing women. Look at what the scripture says about how it is better for the man to dwell on the rooftop than in a house with a raging woman....and a lot of men just let it go than deal with it. It is very sad.

[Sandy]

I really don't know that this is entirely true, but am going to toss it out anyway. My son in law, whom I consider to be a very strong Christian believer says it is the mans fault if the house is out of order. And from the examples I have seen so far, it seems to be that mostly it is the men that do not take their rightful place in the home to begin with. And if they would do so in all ways, the wife would as well, because she would have to do so. But what happens is they cave in because they really don't want the responsibility to begin with. Now this is what he believes.

But there may also be exceptions to the rule too, but I tend to believe he is right in most cases after really thinking about it. Because a woman is overbearing often because she is able to get away with it.

[committed]

Yes, I too know of men like that......and to a certain extent I can agree, but I also know alot of men, because they don't want to come home from work and fight, just let it go.....have you ever noticed how women of strong personalities just won't shut up? They push and push......and I think part of it is, too, at least in church, if a man wants to be saved he can't walk out on his family because his wife won't submit.....so sometimes I feel like he feels he just must live with it.

My husband is not that way....and I like a real man! But my heart goes out to some couples because of this.....

[ddc101]

Marriage is a place of mutual submission.It is a place of submission to Jesus Christ.The word says:

Eph 5:21
21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
(KJV)

But I also want to add that submission is a voluntary act that cannot be forced or resentment builds up on the person being oppressed.It has to be from the heart.lv sis.c

[Blest]

I agree with your son-in-law, Sandy. Men just don't take their role in the home as they should, for a number of reasons.

Poor role models, womens lib (that messed things up totally) and
as mentioned before, the TV shows denigrate men and make them out as fools. A constant barrage of such has taken a toll.

Women just want men to be men, but a lot of men don't understand that.

I think men are confused, too, as to what they should do. So many mixed messages they get: women tease with provocative clothing and then if he compliments them, they could get a sexual harrassment lawsuit filed on them. What are they supposed to do? It's a mixed up world.

Blest

[ddc101]

Hi Blessed,
I also want to add that television really disrespects men.
Most sitcoms type authority figures as either stupid or
limpwristed.This is sending out a sad message to the american
family.lv sis.c

[Sandy]

You are very right Sister Cooper regarding submission first to Jesus. If that isn't true regarding both the husband and wife, then that family will be out of order somewhere at least, no matter what.

So maybe this is the real problem to begin with no matter what else is wrong in the home. And for this reason, it has to be very very difficult for either the husband or the wife to live with one that is an unbeliever, even though certainly possible, even according to the scriptures.

[ddc101]

I am surprised Sis.Sandy that more men have not responded to
this thread.Its easy to talk about women it seems and call
them Jezebel but when you start calling out the spirit of
Ahab its not too popular.lv sis.c

[justavessel4him]

I agree with Sis Sandy's son-in-law, that it is the man's responsibility to keep family in order. That is the Bible way. However, I don't think that a man or men having an Ahab like spirit absolves a woman or women from their responsibility of being submissive wives. I believe we are to be submissive to our husbands even if they are not in church as long as they don't ask us to do something that would cause us to sin. I guess what I am trying to say is that two wrongs don't make a right. If one spouse is out of order, then the family is out of order. The responsibility does fall back on the husband, but the wife also has to give an account to God for her behaviour.

Here is a little something along this line that the Lord quickened to my mind the other day. We all know that our husbands are to love us as Christ loves the church. Right? We are all quick to think that means that our husbands would give themselves for us, and that is true. What we often don't think about is how that the Lord sets guidelines for us, chastens whom he loves, and corrects us, and sometimes uses unusual measures to keep us in line. Hum...as Christ loves the church. Something to think about isn't it. :0)

[ddc101]

I like that Sis.Martha.
One of my pastors years ago preached that to the church.He said
God said submit and did not leave a loop-hole.The problem is in
many cases the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.lv sis.c

[NanaRenan]

I agree with Sis Sandy's son-in-law, that it is the man's responsibility to keep family in order. That is the Bible way. However, I don't think that a man or men having an Ahab like spirit absolves a woman or women from their responsibility of being submissive wives. I believe we are to be submissive to our husbands even if they are not in church as long as they don't ask us to do something that would cause us to sin. I guess what I am trying to say is that two wrongs don't make a right. If one spouse is out of order, then the family is out of order. The responsibility does fall back on the husband, but the wife also has to give an account to God for her behaviour.

Here is a little something along this line that the Lord quickened to my mind the other day. We all know that our husbands are to love us as Christ loves the church. Right? We are all quick to think that means that our husbands would give themselves for us, and that is true. What we often don't think about is how that the Lord sets guidelines for us, chastens whom he loves, and corrects us, and sometimes uses unusual measures to keep us in line. Hum...as Christ loves the church. Something to think about isn't it. :0)
Our women's Bible Study just covered this -- and I was convicted in a way I've never been before.

I have a wonderful husband -- raised in church, like myself -- we've never had any of the usual problems you hear about. But I wish he were a little more demonstrative in his "spiritual head" role.

I've always been the one "dragging" everyone to church, admonishing them to pray, etc., etc. He knows that they know he has my back but I think it should be more of his responsibility.

Then my spirit quickened....have I submitted in the way I SHOULD so that he could lead in the way HE should.

Ouch! :(

I definitely need to work on it.

[Abigail4476]

While posting on another thread I was reminded of a book
I read it spoke about a spirit of Ahab.
Ahab was capable but he allowed Jezebel to do all his bidding for him.In fact I would suggest that Ahab was an enabler.We have much of this going on in our society.Women who have the whole
responsibility of the household put upon them by lazy irresponsibles who refuse to take up the lead that they are supposed to.Then we end up with women who cannot define their God given roles and are labeled unsubmissive.I know this is probably going to be a heated topic so get your glass of ice tea before you post.lv sis.c

Boy, this is a huge one. We've seen this problem in our church. Recently we had some men complaining about their wives' involvement in church leadership positions in relation to the time it takes away from home. However, there are no other capable people volunteering for the positions. When the men were asked if they were willing to fill the same positions so as to not leave a gap, they were mysteriously silent.

[Apostolic Kitty]

Then my spirit quickened....have I submitted in the way I SHOULD so that he could lead in the way HE should.
Sis, I can definitely relate to that.

The main reason I have never responded to this thread at all is because when it was first put on here I was having problems in my relationship with my husband that related to it....and I had no desire to paint my husband in a bad light with any of you.... but GOD (I love saying "but GOD") has been doing a work in my family. :)

Lemme explain...

We've been married almost five years and my husband, who did not have a godly male role model and a mother who left a lot to be desired, has not always acted the way he was supposed to and done the things he was supposed to -- even when he knew better -- and too many times I have reminded him of his failures and shortcomings. :(

I tried not to, but I would get so frustrated sometimes that I would just blow up at him. It's so much easier to do that than speak good things....

When I would do that, as you can figure, it never helped the situation -- even though I was right about many things I said to him....

But I knew my husband's history. I knew he had low self esteem. I knew he was in need of God to do a lot of healing in his life...and I knew he had trouble opening up emotionally.

Over the last year I have tried more to understand WHY he was doing some of the things he was doing and it helped me to not react so much when he would fall short of where I felt I needed him to be (and where I thought he should be).

I also began reflecting on what it was about him that made me want to marry him. Yes, I married him because that's where the Lord led me, but there were things in him that attracted me to him -- and I am not even talking physical attraction because, quite honestly, I was not physically attracted to my husband until after we were married (that's another story).

So, I began to changed my language with him. I began to say things like, "I don't know why you keep doing this self-defeating behavior that you're only going to beat yourself up over later on. You're better than this."

But one day it was just in my spirit to tell him, "You are a good man."

And I kept telling him he was a good man because I kept feeling it in me. I told him not to listen to anything that said different of him -- whether it be the rotten words his mother fed him when he was a kid or that voice inside his own head talking down to him -- only what God says of him is true.

I believe my new approach put him in a position where he was able to do the things he needed to do as the head of house.... and he has taken some steps toward doing things that I have been waiting for.

He has become better as a husband and dad. He's opened up more emotionally -- not just to me, but to our boy, who he has always had problems telling how he felt. He even layed down on our bed with him and talked to him, telling him how he loved him and how he was sorry for some things he's done and why he's done them ( you know, the parental "I'm sorry I took my frustrations out on you. I am not mad at you"). He's spending more time with us and becoming involved in homeschooling. I even had to redesign my assignment sheets so he could know what was going on, but I was happy to do it. :)

We even had a total role reversal this past Sunday when we had a major misunderstanding and he ended up telling me that I needed to tell him how I felt so he could understand. lol :)

I suppose more and more I am learning what marriage is about and what it means to be "a helpmeet suitable to him".

I can't wait to see what's next.... I'm not pushing him anymore, but PATIENTLY waiting. :)

[John Atkinson]

FYI,

There are three very good Bible Studies at ChristianQuill. Putting them up there made me do some re-evaluating meself:


http://www.christianquill.com/family.htm

They are the only three on that page for now. They are worth downloading th PDF and printing out.

[Anna~]

Jezebel, I'd just like to state that Jezebel's teaching has been taken so far out of it's context. The only true argument they the church, can use is the same old stale argument that prostitutes used make-up to seduce men and Jezebel wore it the day she tried to seduce Jehu.

Well, again historically speaking, if you study Judaism you will find that it is part of their belief that a man fails his wife if he does not provide her with jewelry and cosmetics to make herself look attractive for her husband. Also many of the women in the tribes wore heavy make-up when working in the fields because it protected their faces from the harsh sun.


Nowhere in the Bible do we find where the wearing of make-up is prohibited. This again lies with the fact that the ministry of the church wants women to be subservient to men in all aspects, and as in a lot of their teachings, this comes back to human sexuality.

This constant fear of sexual sins. Nearly everything they teach basically comes down to what they think is immodest or what will lead their members to commit sexual sins.


They feel if they allow their women to wear make-up they will attract other men, so if they keep them looking like plain they will not commit sexual sins. It does not matter how many times someone in their movement falls into sexual sin, they don't change their stand. Please read the Bible.

As for the spirit of Ahab it's running rampant. Like all things one must learn to take responsibility for their own actions. And once more we blame this on women. Wrong!

[Apostolic Kitty]

FYI,

There are three very good Bible Studies at ChristianQuill. Putting them up there made me do some re-evaluating meself:


http://www.christianquill.com/family.htm

They are the only three on that page for now. They are worth downloading th PDF and printing out.
Tootin' your own horn? :goof:

I saved them on my computer and am going to print them out and read them. Looks like good stuff! :)

BTW, I think that's really sweet the way you made the background on that page your girl. Ain't nothin' like a daddy who is a sucker for his little girl. :)

Wish I had gotten that growing up...

[Deonna]

Bro Griffin is an awesome teacher! (He's here teaching my husband's class this week and next.) :tup:

[Apostolic Kitty]

They feel if they allow their women to wear make-up they will attract other men, so if they keep them looking like plain they will not commit sexual sins. It does not matter how many times someone in their movement falls into sexual sin, they don't change their stand. Please read the Bible.

As for the spirit of Ahab it's running rampant. Like all things one must learn to take responsibility for their own actions. And once more we blame this on women. Wrong!


1. This thread is not about make-up.

2. I saw nothing that said everything is a woman's fault anywhere on this thread. However, there is a strong possibility that those in such circumstances do play a role that feeds a vicious cycle. We must honestly, carefully and prayerfully examine ourselves to see if this is the case.

There is a reason why the bible says women are to GUIDE their house. We are like navigators guiding ships. As navigators we have a lot of power over the course our families take. I don't know about you, but I want to navigate wisely -- not like a fool.

[Abigail4476]

Jezebel, I'd just like to state that Jezebel's teaching has been taken so far out of it's context. The only true argument they the church, can use is the same old stale argument that prostitutes used make-up to seduce men and Jezebel wore it the day she tried to seduce Jehu.

Well, again historically speaking, if you study Judaism you will find that it is part of their belief that a man fails his wife if he does not provide her with jewelry and cosmetics to make herself look attractive for her husband. Also many of the women in the tribes wore heavy make-up when working in the fields because it protected their faces from the harsh sun.


Nowhere in the Bible do we find where the wearing of make-up is prohibited. This again lies with the fact that the ministry of the church wants women to be subservient to men in all aspects, and as in a lot of their teachings, this comes back to human sexuality.

This constant fear of sexual sins. Nearly everything they teach basically comes down to what they think is immodest or what will lead their members to commit sexual sins.


They feel if they allow their women to wear make-up they will attract other men, so if they keep them looking like plain they will not commit sexual sins. It does not matter how many times someone in their movement falls into sexual sin, they don't change their stand. Please read the Bible.

As for the spirit of Ahab it's running rampant. Like all things one must learn to take responsibility for their own actions. And once more we blame this on women. Wrong!


Hmmmm...I think you need to start a new thread...this one isn't about make-up...

Also, it doesn't blame the woman...we were talking about the spirit of AHAB, not the spirit of Jezebel....

Now if you want to discuss the pros and cons of makeup, I'm ALL FOR IT :banana:

[NanaRenan]

I suppose more and more I am learning what marriage is about and what it means to be "a helpmeet suitable to him".

I can't wait to see what's next.... I'm not pushing him anymore, but PATIENTLY waiting. :)
Thank you for that testimony, my kitty friend! I pray things continue to go well for you.

[SisEdith]

While posting on another thread I was reminded of a book
I read it spoke about a spirit of Ahab.
Ahab was capable but he allowed Jezebel to do all his bidding for him.In fact I would suggest that Ahab was an enabler.We have much of this going on in our society.Women who have the whole
responsibility of the household put upon them by lazy irresponsibles who refuse to take up the lead that they are supposed to.Then we end up with women who cannot define their God given roles and are labeled unsubmissive.I know this is probably going to be a heated topic so get your glass of ice tea before you post.lv sis.c


I have been struggling with this for 4 years since we came into the Church.
I am a very strong willed and independent person and my husband is passive and lazy. He does not want to lead. What I have found out through much prayer and fasting. Also talking with other woman is this. WE have to allow them to do it, to lead and to take responsibility for the home and family. IF we do it for them, they will never do it. Submission is allowing them to lead but not leading for them. We are in counceling now and I was told that I can not change him into being the priest of the home, only God can do that. Take a few steps backwards and watch God work. He is doing it for me and he can do it for anyone. It is not easy for woman to do this, it's very hard. We have to refuse to lead.

[ddc101]

Actsisalive
I am okay with that but there are some women who would never get anything accomplished at all if they waited on the husband to do it.
One thing both I and my husband had to come to the understanding of is that marriage is not a competition or wrestling match for power.We were both given to each other by God.Not because we were just alike but because each possesses the skills the other needs to get the main call of God done.
Together we can accomplish so much more than one person alone.
I think and this is just my op okay? That some folks just like sitting back and letting someone else do all the work and reaping the benefits regardless of the covenant of marriage.If you are a woman with strong leadership abilities it means simply that Jesus has a great work to be accomplished through a joint effort where these skills will be needed.lv sis.c

[NanaRenan]

Jezebel, I'd just like to state that Jezebel's teaching has been taken so far out of it's context. The only true argument they the church, can use is the same old stale argument that prostitutes used make-up to seduce men and Jezebel wore it the day she tried to seduce Jehu.

Well, again historically speaking, if you study Judaism you will find that it is part of their belief that a man fails his wife if he does not provide her with jewelry and cosmetics to make herself look attractive for her husband. Also many of the women in the tribes wore heavy make-up when working in the fields because it protected their faces from the harsh sun.


Nowhere in the Bible do we find where the wearing of make-up is prohibited. This again lies with the fact that the ministry of the church wants women to be subservient to men in all aspects, and as in a lot of their teachings, this comes back to human sexuality.

This constant fear of sexual sins. Nearly everything they teach basically comes down to what they think is immodest or what will lead their members to commit sexual sins.


They feel if they allow their women to wear make-up they will attract other men, so if they keep them looking like plain they will not commit sexual sins. It does not matter how many times someone in their movement falls into sexual sin, they don't change their stand. Please read the Bible.

As for the spirit of Ahab it's running rampant. Like all things one must learn to take responsibility for their own actions. And once more we blame this on women. Wrong!


Alrighty then....(I'll try to be brief.) :angel: HEY!! Who said, "Yeah, right!!"...? I heard that!

Point 1:

I've never heard about wearing the makeup to protect from the sun. But then, what do "I" know from history...?

The thing I DO know about make-up in the here and now is that it is worn in such a way as to emulate physiological sexual responses in the female face.

During sexual arousal a woman's eyes widen and moisten and the lids may appear duskier due to an increase of blood flow, thereby drawing the man's attention to them. (Eye shadow, eye liner and mascara do this artificially.)
Her lips will also darken and plump up (lipstick and lip-liner) and a blush may spread over her face...(BLUSH!)

Now I know plenty of modest, demure women who would never do anything inappropriately sexual outside of their bedrooms and have no wish to entice a man other than their husband, who wear make-up.

But for the life of me, I can't imagine why such women want to walk around with their face adorned in such a way as to represent psuedo-sexual arousal.

<scratchin' my head over that one!>

Point 2:

"Submissiveness" and "Subservience" while slightly similar in wording have DIFFERENT definitions and are not completely interchangeable.

Submissive means submitting to and respecting authority - biddable and teachable. Biblical submission is done out of love.

Subservience has connotatioins of inferiority and slavery...or doing something only in order to get something.

[SisEdith]

Marriage is a place of mutual submission.It is a place of submission to Jesus Christ.The word says:

Eph 5:21
21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
(KJV)

But I also want to add that submission is a voluntary act that cannot be forced or resentment builds up on the person being oppressed.It has to be from the heart.lv sis.c
The Chapter starts out talking to the body and Verse 21 to talking to the body of Christ. Then he goes on to marriages as in verse 22 Wives must submit to their husbands. Verse 23 the husband is the head of the wife.
Husbands do not submit to their wives, they submit to Christ. Christ is their head, our husband is our head.

[Abigail4476]

Actsisalive
I am okay with that but there are some women who would never get anything accomplished at all if they waited on the husband to do it.
One thing both I and my husband had to come to the understanding of is that marriage is not a competition or wrestling match for power.We were both given to each other by God.Not because we were just alike but because each possesses the skills the other needs to get the main call of God done.
Together we can accomplish so much more than one person alone.
I think and this is just my op okay? That some folks just like sitting back and letting someone else do all the work and reaping the benefits regardless of the covenant of marriage.If you are a woman with strong leadership abilities it means simply that Jesus has a great work to be accomplished through a joint effort where these skills will be needed.lv sis.c
I may have gotten us off-topic a bit with my "men at our church" comments...let me see if I understand...we are discussing men who are unwilling to lead, and since leadership is vital to EVERY area of society, including the home, women have often taken their places and then are criticized for doing so. Right?

If I understand this correctly, women should not necessarily be blamed for the malfunctioning in the "chain of command." God used Deborah mightily and I think He will always use whoever makes theirself available to Him. God can't use a vessel that refuses to be used. If a man refuses to lead, then he cannot legitimately complain when his wife does so instead. And, sorry, I disagree with the previous poster...a home must be ran, it must be organized, it must be led spiritually...I promise you, if my husband quit church and refused to lead spiritually, I WOULD be taking my children to church and leading them to God myself. It isn't always possible to just step back and let things run amuck. Especially when it comes to families.

[ddc101]

The Chapter starts out talking to the body and Verse 21 to talking to the body of Christ. Then he goes on to marriages as in verse 22 Wives must submit to their husbands. Verse 23 the husband is the head of the wife.
Husbands do not submit to their wives, they submit to Christ. Christ is their head, our husband is our head.


You and I seem to be on different pages or something.I am not unsubmissive.
But it is not a big me and little you.I am a help meet not a help mate(old english) meaning I am an aid to him in this life to fullfill the work God has planned for us.lv sis.c

[garyfroth]

This is interesting. I tend to agree .Pastor cannot pastor unless people let him Pastor...following his Godly leadership....likewise ( NOW, I'VE NEVER BEEN MARRIED!) i , in my humble opinion, think women have to let men lead, as men take respsonsiblity and communicate that responsibility to the wife while making Godly decisions. In any case, it seems a huge responsiblity for the man and woman to take the vow to marriage and continue together, but not without communication and respect & humility before God.
Gary

I really don't know that this is entirely true, but am going to toss it out anyway. My son in law, whom I consider to be a very strong Christian believer says it is the mans fault if the house is out of order. And from the examples I have seen so far, it seems to be that mostly it is the men that do not take their rightful place in the home to begin with. And if they would do so in all ways, the wife would as well, because she would have to do so. But what happens is they cave in because they really don't want the responsibility to begin with. Now this is what he believes.

But there may also be exceptions to the rule too, but I tend to believe he is right in most cases after really thinking about it. Because a woman is overbearing often because she is able to get away with it.

[Jer2911]

Ok, I came upon this thread, and though it is older, I would like to revive it a little bit. Especially cause it hit quite close to home.

4 years ago, before we became Christians, our home was run the complete opposite of God's plans. I was definately the boss and my husband pretty much did what I wanted to appease my mighty temper. He was raised by his mother, who was very much the liberal I-don't-need-a-man type. So to be fair to him, he had no male role models.

As I began to walk with the Lord, I was convicted by the role-reversal, and began to change my behavior and start acting like a wife (not a husband), however my husband was not prepared for all the responsibilities that were suddenly thrust on him.

To this day he had very little interest in being the leader, spiritual or otherwise. He is quite content to spend any time that he is not working on his online computer game.

It's especially hard on me, because most people would consider him a believer, because he has been baptized and attends church on Sunday morning. He has a vague interest in spiritual things, like prophecy and has some spiritual knowledge. (He also admits that he "faked" his Holy Ghost experience because the people had been praying for 30 minutes, and wouldn't give up and he just wanted to go home, and I don't feel like its my place to announce that, though I did tell our new pastor)

He is somewhat of a loner and doesn't have any close friends (with the exception of one who is unsaved, and influences him in all manners of sin) and sometimes he has spent as much as 20 hours consecutively playing his computer game, not even coming out for dinner, but will just take his food to the desk.

So I ask you, what recourse do I have? I would love to submit to the leadership of my husband, but he flat out refuses to take on any responsibilities.

(As a praise report, I am very thankful that he has finally in the past 2 years, accepted the fact that he at least has to contribute financially...there were years he either refused to work, or worked 10 hours a week, he now works 30 hours a week making minimum wage, it may not sound like much, but to me it is a small miracle...Thank the Lord he put 2 Thess 3:10 in the Bible)


God Bless,
Michelle

[SisEdith]

Ok, I came upon this thread, and though it is older, I would like to revive it a little bit. Especially cause it hit quite close to home.

4 years ago, before we became Christians, our home was run the complete opposite of God's plans. I was definately the boss and my husband pretty much did what I wanted to appease my mighty temper. He was raised by his mother, who was very much the liberal I-don't-need-a-man type. So to be fair to him, he had no male role models.

As I began to walk with the Lord, I was convicted by the role-reversal, and began to change my behavior and start acting like a wife (not a husband), however my husband was not prepared for all the responsibilities that were suddenly thrust on him.

To this day he had very little interest in being the leader, spiritual or otherwise. He is quite content to spend any time that he is not working on his online computer game.

It's especially hard on me, because most people would consider him a believer, because he has been baptized and attends church on Sunday morning. He has a vague interest in spiritual things, like prophecy and has some spiritual knowledge. (He also admits that he "faked" his Holy Ghost experience because the people had been praying for 30 minutes, and wouldn't give up and he just wanted to go home, and I don't feel like its my place to announce that, though I did tell our new pastor)

He is somewhat of a loner and doesn't have any close friends (with the exception of one who is unsaved, and influences him in all manners of sin) and sometimes he has spent as much as 20 hours consecutively playing his computer game, not even coming out for dinner, but will just take his food to the desk.

So I ask you, what recourse do I have? I would love to submit to the leadership of my husband, but he flat out refuses to take on any responsibilities.

(As a praise report, I am very thankful that he has finally in the past 2 years, accepted the fact that he at least has to contribute financially...there were years he either refused to work, or worked 10 hours a week, he now works 30 hours a week making minimum wage, it may not sound like much, but to me it is a small miracle...Thank the Lord he put 2 Thess 3:10 in the Bible)


God Bless,
Michelle
You have just described my situation, we got into church 5 years ago this January. Our relationship was backwards also.

You have just described my Husband accept he works 12 tp 16 hours a day. He is never home. He pays no attention to me or this house. He is a loner but has some church buddies. He is not into spiritual things accept some prophecy.

You have also described me because I to have been learning how to be a Christian wife, and am learning how to submit but he is not willing to accept the responsibilities. He does not want to lead!


I like you ask ...what recourse to I have?

[Abigail4476]

Ok, I came upon this thread, and though it is older, I would like to revive it a little bit. Especially cause it hit quite close to home.

4 years ago, before we became Christians, our home was run the complete opposite of God's plans. I was definately the boss and my husband pretty much did what I wanted to appease my mighty temper. He was raised by his mother, who was very much the liberal I-don't-need-a-man type. So to be fair to him, he had no male role models.

As I began to walk with the Lord, I was convicted by the role-reversal, and began to change my behavior and start acting like a wife (not a husband), however my husband was not prepared for all the responsibilities that were suddenly thrust on him.

To this day he had very little interest in being the leader, spiritual or otherwise. He is quite content to spend any time that he is not working on his online computer game.

It's especially hard on me, because most people would consider him a believer, because he has been baptized and attends church on Sunday morning. He has a vague interest in spiritual things, like prophecy and has some spiritual knowledge. (He also admits that he "faked" his Holy Ghost experience because the people had been praying for 30 minutes, and wouldn't give up and he just wanted to go home, and I don't feel like its my place to announce that, though I did tell our new pastor)You're right, it isn't your place to announce that, any more than your husband should announce your shortcomings to anyone else.

He is somewhat of a loner and doesn't have any close friends (with the exception of one who is unsaved, and influences him in all manners of sin) and sometimes he has spent as much as 20 hours consecutively playing his computer game, not even coming out for dinner, but will just take his food to the desk.

So I ask you, what recourse do I have? I would love to submit to the leadership of my husband, but he flat out refuses to take on any responsibilities.What responsibilities are you trying to get him to take? Don't try to put responsibilities upon him. Just do what is right yourself, if there are obligations that must be fulfilled and he won't do them, then go ahead and do them yourself. The things that aren't absolute necessity, just leave them alone. Don't do them yourself and don't try to force your husband to do it.

(As a praise report, I am very thankful that he has finally in the past 2 years, accepted the fact that he at least has to contribute financially...there were years he either refused to work, or worked 10 hours a week, he now works 30 hours a week making minimum wage, it may not sound like much, but to me it is a small miracle...Thank the Lord he put 2 Thess 3:10 in the Bible)


God Bless,
MichelleGive your husband a big hug and kiss and "I love you" every day when he comes home from work (even if its early), and always smile when he walks in the door. Don't mention his hours. You can't force a man to become a "man"--he's the only one that can change himself. God doesn't even change us without our cooperation.

1Peter 3:1 "Likewise, ye wives, [be] in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;"

"Conversation" in that verse means "behavior." If your husband doesn't have the Holy Ghost, then he is still unsaved and should be treated as such. He also should be treated with the same compassion and understanding you would give any other person who does not yet have the power of the Holy Ghost to help them walk uprightly. Being a Christian is difficult with the help of the Holy Ghost. Can you imagine how difficult it must be for your husband to try to be righteous without God's power to help him do so?

Galatians 6:9 "And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not."

Just keep doing what you know is right. Let God work on your husband. :)

[Abigail4476]

If a Christian woman has a husband who is not a good leader, what recourse does she have?

According to scripture, the wife is to follow anyway. But in that following, there are some exceptions:

***Some responsibilities must be taken care of regardless; if the man will not fulfill a necessary obligation, the wife has no choice but to do it herself, rather than allow the family to fall into ruin. This is especially the case when a man refuses to provide for his family. And especially when there are children in the home. There must be shelter, food, transportation, clothing, and medical care provided for the home. If the man refuses, it still must be provided so the wife must fill in the gap.

***The wife is never commanded by scripture to follow her husband in sin. I don't care how much your husband "demands" that you obey him, according to scripture, that obedience falls within Biblical guidelines. He cannot demand that you wear make-up against your own convictions and expect obedience. He cannot demand that you wear immodest clothing and expect obedience. However, if you are trying to win an unsaved man to Christ, it would be my advice to obey him in every area possible with a meek and submissive spirit. And when you can't obey him, refuse respectfully. Don't fight with him or you undermine your whole purpose; he will just say that you are being obedient to God on one hand, and disobedient to God on the other hand by disrespecting your husband.

***In the case of domestic violence or where the husband is abusing your children, you have no choice but to remove yourself and/or your children from harm. Don't divorce, don't cut all ties unless absolutely necessary, but separate yourself from danger until reconciliation can be attempted. (If at all.)

The fact is, as Christian women, we have our own commandments to obey, and those commandments are not contingent on the righteousness or lack of righteousness our husband may purport. Nor is our obedience dependent on whether our husband is full of wisdom or sensitivity. We are to do all "as unto the Lord", and when you look at things in this context, it is easier to apply this to your role in marriage. We are to submit to our husbands as we submit to God by doing so. Submitting to your husband is submitting to God. Obviously when God and husband are at odds with each other, God's commandments trump the husband's commandments. But any time the two are not contradictory, you should be submitting to both.

*submit in every area that you can;
*don't yell at your husband;
*don't make him feel small;
*don't criticize his efforts, no matter how inadequate they may seem to you;
*take care of your home without complaint;
*make your home a pleasant place for your husband to be, so he will enjoy stepping into it and hate leaving;
*remember that some changes can take years or a lifetime, so don't expect anything to happen overnight;
*take your complaints to God rather than to your husband;
*refuse to fight, but don't avoid productive discussions;
*never give your husband the silent treatment (or frigid treatment), unless your entire goal is to provoke him to anger.
*when in doubt, bite your tongue;
*if it isn't going to edify him, bite your tongue;
*if it will make you sound unfeminine, bite your tongue;
*if you wouldn't say it in front of your pastor, bite your tongue;
*if its something you can do yourself, don't ask him to do it;
*if you do ask your husband to do something, and he refuses, don't pout; just do it yourself without complaint;
*if your husband promises to do something around the house, don't be impatient because it doesn't happen in your timeframe; just make sure whatever tools and supplies he needs are available and sitting next to the broken 'whatever', and then bite your tongue;
*and when in doubt, bite your tongue;
*if you can think of something sweet to say, always say it right then before you forget or lose your nerve;

[SisEdith]

If a Christian woman has a husband who is not a good leader, what recourse does she have?

According to scripture, the wife is to follow anyway. But in that following, there are some exceptions:

***Some responsibilities must be taken care of regardless; if the man will not fulfill a necessary obligation, the wife has no choice but to do it herself, rather than allow the family to fall into ruin. This is especially the case when a man refuses to provide for his family. And especially when there are children in the home. There must be shelter, food, transportation, clothing, and medical care provided for the home. If the man refuses, it still must be provided so the wife must fill in the gap.

***The wife is never commanded by scripture to follow her husband in sin. I don't care how much your husband "demands" that you obey him, according to scripture, that obedience falls within Biblical guidelines. He cannot demand that you wear make-up against your own convictions and expect obedience. He cannot demand that you wear immodest clothing and expect obedience. However, if you are trying to win an unsaved man to Christ, it would be my advice to obey him in every area possible with a meek and submissive spirit. And when you can't obey him, refuse respectfully. Don't fight with him or you undermine your whole purpose; he will just say that you are being obedient to God on one hand, and disobedient to God on the other hand by disrespecting your husband.

***In the case of domestic violence or where the husband is abusing your children, you have no choice but to remove yourself and/or your children from harm. Don't divorce, don't cut all ties unless absolutely necessary, but separate yourself from danger until reconciliation can be attempted. (If at all.)

The fact is, as Christian women, we have our own commandments to obey, and those commandments are not contingent on the righteousness or lack of righteousness our husband may purport. Nor is our obedience dependent on whether our husband is full of wisdom or sensitivity. We are to do all "as unto the Lord", and when you look at things in this context, it is easier to apply this to your role in marriage. We are to submit to our husbands as we submit to God by doing so. Submitting to your husband is submitting to God. Obviously when God and husband are at odds with each other, God's commandments trump the husband's commandments. But any time the two are not contradictory, you should be submitting to both.

*submit in every area that you can;
*don't yell at your husband;
*don't make him feel small;
*don't criticize his efforts, no matter how inadequate they may seem to you; *take care of your home without complaint;
*make your home a pleasant place for your husband to be, so he will enjoy stepping into it and hate leaving;
*remember that some changes can take years or a lifetime, so don't expect anything to happen overnight;
*take your complaints to God rather than to your husband;
*refuse to fight, but don't avoid productive discussions;
*never give your husband the silent treatment (or frigid treatment), unless your entire goal is to provoke him to anger.
*when in doubt, bite your tongue;
*if it isn't going to edify him, bite your tongue;
*if it will make you sound unfeminine, bite your tongue;
*if you wouldn't say it in front of your pastor, bite your tongue;
*if its something you can do yourself, don't ask him to do it;
*if you do ask your husband to do something, and he refuses, don't pout; just do it yourself without complaint;
*if your husband promises to do something around the house, don't be impatient because it doesn't happen in your timeframe; just make sure whatever tools and supplies he needs are available and sitting next to the broken 'whatever', and then bite your tongue;
*and when in doubt, bite your tongue;
*if you can think of something sweet to say, always say it right then before you forget or lose your nerve;
This is good Abigail and I have sincerely tried to apply these things over the past couple of months. I want to do the right things. (It is much better around here) A sister told me "don't take the problem to the problem" What an eye opener.

I just have one question. You mentioned physical abuse....what about emotional neglect and emotional abuse?

I understand that it's not all about me. I understand that we do all "as unto the Lord" But, the most painful thing for me is being cast aside like an old dog.

[Abigail4476]

This is good Abigail and I have sincerely tried to apply these things over the past couple of months. I want to do the right things. (It is much better around here) A sister told me "don't take the problem to the problem" What an eye opener.

I just have one question. You mentioned physical abuse....what about emotional neglect and emotional abuse?
Honestly, I don't think there is a Biblical precedent or justification for separation based on that alone. But I feel crass for saying it. However, I'm not the expert on that subject. That would have to be something you would discuss with your pastor, since it is so abstract and subjective. And it would depend on what you mean by emotional abuse, I suppose.

I understand that it's not all about me. I understand that we do all "as unto the Lord" But, the most painful thing for me is being cast aside like an old dog.
It is very painful, and there's nothing adequate that can be said to ease that pain. :(

[Abigail4476]

Psa 13:2 "How long shall I take counsel in my soul, [having] sorrow in my heart daily? how long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?"
Psa 13:3 "Consider [and] hear me, O LORD my God: lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the [sleep of] death;"
Psa 13:4 "Lest mine enemy say, I have prevailed against him; [and] those that trouble me rejoice when I am moved."
Psa 13:5 "But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation."
Psa 13:6 "I will sing unto the LORD, because he hath dealt bountifully with me."

Pro 23:9 "Speak not in the ears of a fool: for he will despise the wisdom of thy words."

Pro 26:4 "Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him."

Pro 28:26 "He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool: but whoso walketh wisely, he shall be delivered."

Pro 29:11 "A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise [man] keepeth it in till afterwards."

Psa 37:3 "Trust in the LORD, and do good; [so] shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed."
Psa 37:4 "Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart."
Psa 37:5 "Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring [it] to pass."
Psa 37:6 "And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday."
Psa 37:7 "Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass."
Psa 37:8 "Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil."
Psa 37:9 "For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the LORD, they shall inherit the earth."

[SisEdith]

Honestly, I don't think there is a Biblical precedent or justification for separation based on that alone. But I feel crass for saying it. However, I'm not the expert on that subject. That would have to be something you would discuss with your pastor, since it is so abstract and subjective. And it would depend on what you mean by emotional abuse, I suppose.


It is very painful, and there's nothing adequate that can be said to ease that pain. :(
I know that there is no Biblical grounds for divorce. I do not plan on leaving. My flesh sure wants too but that is not the Lords will.

We have talked to my Pastor. My Pastor advises that I get off the emotional roller coaster. I have been trying to make this marriage work according to the Bible ever since we got into church. As soon as I recongnised that my marriage was anything but Biblical I set out to fix it!!!!!! wrong move. But, I am learning what not to do.

We have been in counceling with my Pastor. My husband gave up on that.
The last direction my Pastor gave me was that I needed to act as though I was single because their was no hope for my marriage ....save a miracle. I still needing of course to tend to the home. I still try to cook what he likes, even though he complains! He's never happy with anything I do or say.

By emotional abuse I mean that I am married to a person who does not show affection, nor cares about my emotional needs. He does not talk about his heart felt needs to me, therefore does not think that he needs to talk about mine. There is no communication. He opperates as an island unto himself. It's all about him. When he is home, he is cold and not effectionate at all. He does only what he wants to do.

In Church he is very stoic..spelling??? He does not show emotion at all. I show my emotion. I am an expressive worshipper also. He say's that our problem is that I am boisterous. Whatever that is supposed to mean??

[Abigail4476]

I know that there is no Biblical grounds for divorce. I do not plan on leaving. My flesh sure wants too but that is not the Lords will.

We have talked to my Pastor. My Pastor advises that I get off the emotional roller coaster. I have been trying to make this marriage work according to the Bible ever since we got into church. As soon as I recongnised that my marriage was anything but Biblical I set out to fix it!!!!!! wrong move. But, I am learning what not to do.

We have been in counceling with my Pastor. My husband gave up on that.
The last direction my Pastor gave me was that I needed to act as though I was single because their was no hope for my marriage ....save a miracle. I still needing of course to tend to the home. I still try to cook what he likes, even though he complains! He's never happy with anything I do or say.

By emotional abuse I mean that I am married to a person who does not show affection, nor cares about my emotional needs. He does not talk about his heart felt needs to me, therefore does not think that he needs to talk about mine. There is no communication. He opperates as an island unto himself. It's all about him. When he is home, he is cold and not effectionate at all. He does only what he wants to do.

In Church he is very stoic..spelling??? He does not show emotion at all. I show my emotion. I am an expressive worshipper also. He say's that our problem is that I am boisterous. Whatever that is supposed to mean??Quite honestly, my advice would be to make some friends, find a hobby, attend some college classes, and leave your husband to his own devices. I don't mean neglect him--but sometimes when we are super-focused on getting our spouses to be interested in us, we cease to be interesting to them. Don't say what you're thinking, and perhaps he will wonder what you are thinking. Don't do what he expects, and next time he will wonder what you are going to do. Surprise him with affection, and don't act hurt (even if you are) when he doesn't respond. Become involved in some new activities, and excel at them. Don't discuss anything with him until he asks you about it, but don't sit around waiting for him to ask. Pretend you are single only in the context that you don't try to get your husband to join into your activities, but if he expresses interest, let him participate as much as he wants, and then try not to be disappointed if he loses interest more quickly than you'd like.

Give him hugs and kisses regardless of whether he is affectionate with you or not. My mother used to tell me to make sure I gave my husband a 7-second kiss every day. Not just a peck on the cheek.

And, I'm not going to say much about this one, but make sure your husband gets what he wants in the bedroom. I heard someone say that when things are going good in the bedroom, its only about 10% of the relationship, but when things are going badly, its about 90%.

And do try not to be so emotional. Even if your feelings are hurt, try to override them, look past them, and respond gently. A soft answer turns away wrath.

And never, ever yell at your husband. Unless he's about to be hit by a truck. Men tune yelling out, so nothing you say will truly be heard anyway.

As far as being enthusiastic at church? If you're just talking about worshipping God, he can't touch that. That's between you and God. Michel(spelling) didn't get any kudos from God for condemning David's open praise and enthusiasm, and your husband won't get any blessing from it either. But don't criticize his lack of emotion either.

[SisEdith]

Quite honestly, my advice would be to make some friends, find a hobby, attend some college classes, and leave your husband to his own devices. I don't mean neglect him--but sometimes when we are super-focused on getting our spouses to be interested in us, we cease to be interesting to them. Don't say what you're thinking, and perhaps he will wonder what you are thinking. Don't do what he expects, and next time he will wonder what you are going to do. Surprise him with affection, and don't act hurt (even if you are) when he doesn't respond. Become involved in some new activities, and excel at them. Don't discuss anything with him until he asks you about it, but don't sit around waiting for him to ask. Pretend you are single only in the context that you don't try to get your husband to join into your activities, but if he expresses interest, let him participate as much as he wants, and then try not to be disappointed if he loses interest more quickly than you'd like.

Give him hugs and kisses regardless of whether he is affectionate with you or not. My mother used to tell me to make sure I gave my husband a 7-second kiss every day. Not just a peck on the cheek.

And, I'm not going to say much about this one, but make sure your husband gets what he wants in the bedroom. I heard someone say that when things are going good in the bedroom, its only about 10% of the relationship, but when things are going badly, its about 90%.

And do try not to be so emotional. Even if your feelings are hurt, try to override them, look past them, and respond gently. A soft answer turns away wrath.

And never, ever yell at your husband. Unless he's about to be hit by a truck. Men tune yelling out, so nothing you say will truly be heard anyway.

As far as being enthusiastic at church? If you're just talking about worshipping God, he can't touch that. That's between you and God. Michel(spelling) didn't get any kudos from God for condemning David's open praise and enthusiasm, and your husband won't get any blessing from it either. But don't criticize his lack of emotion either.

Yes! Just worshipping God. I have to do that, The Lord is everything to me. He has brought me out of darkness into his marvelos light.

I have not mentioned my husbands emotional state to him in a very long time. Thank you Abigail. You're advise is truly a blessing. I don't yell at him but I do tend to raise my tone in frustration which he does not like.

On one note" He does not want anything in the bedroom department!

I am starting Bible College in September. I am very involved with Church, he says I am a fanatic. Can't win for loosing! I am wrong no matter what I do. I just don't measure up. :cry:

[Melody]

Yes! Just worshipping God. I have to do that, The Lord is everything to me. He has brought me out of darkness into his marvelos light.

I have not mentioned my husbands emotional state to him in a very long time. Thank you Abigail. You're advise is truly a blessing. I don't yell at him but I do tend to raise my tone in frustration which he does not like.

On one note" He does not want anything in the bedroom department!

I am starting Bible College in September. I am very involved with Church, he says I am a fanatic. Can't win for loosing! I am wrong no matter what I do. I just don't measure up. :cry:

Have you considered that maybe he might be having physical or emotional problems which he may not be aware of?

[TulsaJeff]

I just read through this entire thread from beginning to end and I am greatly disturbed at how common and widespread of a problem this seems to be...

It has always bugged me when men sit back and let their wives run all over them...I know full well that sometimes it is the man's fault and sometimes the woman's...sometimes even both but it still bothers me to see it happening.

I am a man who runs a tight ship in my home not because I am such a great leader...not because my wife could not do it better (she probably could) but because it is my job! I take my responsibility seriously.

What you do not know about me is that I had a very miserable childhood, I had no male role models, my dad was extremely abusive (did I mention he pastored a trinitarian holiness church?), My family for hundreds of years on both sides were predominately baptist or non- church goers, all of the reasons for being a lousy man lay at my disposal.... to top it off I am a 100% melancholy personality profile.

God somehow took my messed up wreck of a life and made me into a decent man...one my wife is proud of (I know that because she brags on me and about me all the time) Does he only do that for a select group of men? I don't know but I can guarantee you I am nothing out of the ordinary...if God can do that for me under my extreme circumstances he can do it for the next guy.

It is so easy for us as men to use our past or our overbearing wives as excuses for not fulfilling our role as leader in the home... but god does not buy that! When we take on Christ then old things are passed away and all things become new. We are not what we used to be anymore.

Don't get me wrong... I am totally incomplete without my wife...she is definitely the better half and she has wisdom that surpasses my own on most issues. Her intuition and godly insight has been a resource which has helped me make right decisions time and time again sometimes without her even being aware that she was actually the one making the decision.

I truly believe if husbands could buy into the idea that most wives long for them to step up to the plate and take a more active role in the headship of the home it could potentially transform their marriage and their lives as a whole.

I do not have all of the answers... I do not know how to make a despondent man who only cares for his own self come to his senses and start leading the home in a godly manner. I do not know how to make a man throw away his excuses and become a man of purpose but I do know that these things must be done and God is only ready and willing to help men do just that. It is his plan for mankind.

As a man I can say that many of the posts in this thread are very true... I do not respond well to yelling, nagging, griping, preaching, etc from my wife. Thankfully my wife learned early in marriage that these things do not bring the most productive response and has adapted techniques which make me want to respond positively.

I do not think that men are going to change overnight even if the ladies do everything just perfectly... I think it will take great amounts of prayer and fasting to rebuild the family unit to God's specifications.

Men must snap out of their care-less attitudes and realize that God has called us to lead our families in the ways of righteousness and if we fail to carry out this task we are raising the stakes that our children will be lost, that our families will be broken apart and that our lives will end up in shambles.

Their is no place in the home or otherwise for "weenie" men who are just happy to sit back and let the women carry the load... it is ungodly and perverse...totally against the laws of God. I do agree that if the men do not do it then the women sometime have to but that is not what God intended and our families will never be whole until the man takes his place.

I mentioned this in another post the other day... I read some statistics a while back that said if you win a child to God there is a small chance of winning the rest of the family, if you win the mother for Christ the percentage is even greater but if you win the father for Christ you have an astounding 80% or higher chance of winning the entire family! Men... as you can see, you have the potential of making or breaking your home based on your attitudes as well as your actions.

And let me point out that you do not have to have the attitude right to have the actions. You can start taking an active role even if you really do not want to. You can do what is RIGHT for the sole purpose of doing right and the righteous attitudes will soon follow. We sometimes think that we have to feel something before we make a change... I say change and the feelings will come later.

I believe God placed the ability to lead within each man... sometimes if we will unleash that ability then we will find that it is easier than we thought. Remember that leading is not neccessarily giving out orders... great leaders are great servants.

Wives...if your husband is making the slightest of moves toward this then step back...encourage him and do not criticize him for any reason. Lavish praises upon him...brag on him incessantly... cook his favorite meals.... be openly respectful especially in front of the children.... make him feel like a king and he will reciprocate the favor and treat you like a queen.

If he is not making a move yet then do these things anyway... you might be surprised what will happen.

[SisEdith]

Have you considered that maybe he might be having physical or emotional problems which he may not be aware of?
Yes, most likely emotional. I just don't know how to deal with it. I am going to take Abigal's advise and the advise of this very nice Brother who just posted. It brought tears to my eyes.

Thank you Brother! Thank you for letting God change you into what he created you to be.

[triciascall]

Bro. Tulsa Jeff, thanks for your input. I too know that God can change a man if he truly desires to be changed.

My husband too came from an abusive and unloving home life and with God's help he has become a man of God.

When I hear anyone say "I can't be anything because my childhood was so abusive, and no one showed me any love", I say Balogna (baloney!!!!).

I know if you want to you can WITH GOD'S HELP!!!

Keep up the good work.

Sis. Patricia

[Jer2911]

I appreciate all your posts! I just need to remember that as long as I have Jesus there is hope!

Lately, I have really been trying to do a couple of things that I think is really helping:

1. I don't complain about having to do everything.
2. I don't bring up spiritual things unless he invites it, and if it is discussed, I direct it towards me, not him. (I am trying to let actions speak louder than words)
3. Most of all, I am really focusing on my own relationship with the Lord, and find out in what areas, I have have been guilty of doing wrong.
4. Most of all, I remind myself many times a day, that I have to answer only for my behavior, and therefore am guilty when I react wrongly to his wrong behavior (Instead of justifying my own sin because of his).

It was nice to get a man's point of view. Keep the suggestions coming, I find that they strength me to hear.

God Bless,
Michelle

[triciascall]

Sis. you are well on the right road.

As we all have learned, we will be judged for ourselves, how we live for HIM, not how someone else lived for HIM.

Keep up the good work and draw closer and closer to HIM.

"...Then the things of this world, will grow strangely dim, in the light of His Glory and Grace."

[SisEdith]

I appreciate all your posts! I just need to remember that as long as I have Jesus there is hope!

Lately, I have really been trying to do a couple of things that I think is really helping:

1. I don't complain about having to do everything.
2. I don't bring up spiritual things unless he invites it, and if it is discussed, I direct it towards me, not him. (I am trying to let actions speak louder than words)
3. Most of all, I am really focusing on my own relationship with the Lord, and find out in what areas, I have have been guilty of doing wrong.
4. Most of all, I remind myself many times a day, that I have to answer only for my behavior, and therefore am guilty when I react wrongly to his wrong behavior (Instead of justifying my own sin because of his).

It was nice to get a man's point of view. Keep the suggestions coming, I find that they strength me to hear.

God Bless,
Michelle
This is good Sister. It's really all we can do and I am going to follow it also. Keep praying for him!