Domestic Violence/Abuse [Archive]

EvangSims

04-09-2004, 03:12 PM

Melody

04-09-2004, 03:49 PM

Praise the Lord Ladies!

I'm new to this forum but I wanted to pose a question. Do you know of any women in the church who was or is in an abusive relationship? People don't want to admit it but Domestic Abuse is occurring in our churches. Yes in our APOSTOLIC churches.

While I know make up, pants and hairstyles tend to still be a topic of discussion among Apostolic women, there are Apostolic women dying and being abused.

Where's the help or encouragement for them? I'll tell you where! I've heard the voice of the Lord and I'm speaking out and doing my part to bring awareness.

Please visit my site at www.keciasims.org (http://www.keciasims.org) for more information.

Please share your thoughts on this "silent killer" called Domestic Violence.

Thanks,
Evang. Sims

I lived with a husband that was verbally, mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive for years. I met him in the church, married him and found myself trapped. I would go to the pastor and he would call him in and tell him to apologize and then tell me that I was not being submissive enough. He continued the abuse.

It wasn't until God opened my understanding of Mat 5:30 that I was able to pray that God would relieve my children and myself.

Mat 5:30 And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast [it] from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not [that] thy whole body should be cast into hell.

My own right hand (my husband) was not protecting me but was harming me and my children.

I am still married to this man but he is in prison and no longer able to harm us.

Life is still difficult as you can see by my prayer request posted elsewhere on this forum but at least my son is not learning that it is ok to abuse your wife and my daughter is protected.

I wish life was different. It hurts to see my son being raised without a father's influence but I keep them under cover of their heavenly father and that is enough. He is able and without variance and wants only good for us.

Deonna

04-09-2004, 04:46 PM

Sis Melody, my heart goes out to you. But as I read the last part of your post, a point that someone made a few days ago came to my mind.

Some say that it's harmful for boys to grow up without a father figure in their life but take a look at Timothy in the Bible. There is no mention of his father but it does mention that his mother and grandmother raised him and he turned out great!

I'm sure though that his heart at times longs to do father/son things together. If you're not already, maybe pray that God will lay it upon the heart of one of the men in the church to step in and be there for him ~ someone he can go to. And remember that his Heavenly Father is watching over him.

Abigail4476

04-09-2004, 07:24 PM

Praise the Lord Ladies!

I'm new to this forum but I wanted to pose a question. Do you know of any women in the church who was or is in an abusive relationship? People don't want to admit it but Domestic Abuse is occurring in our churches. Yes in our APOSTOLIC churches.

While I know make up, pants and hairstyles tend to still be a topic of discussion among Apostolic women, there are Apostolic women dying and being abused.

Where's the help or encouragement for them? I'll tell you where! I've heard the voice of the Lord and I'm speaking out and doing my part to bring awareness.

Please visit my site at www.keciasims.org (http://www.keciasims.org/) for more information.

Please share your thoughts on this "silent killer" called Domestic Violence.

Thanks,
Evang. SimsYES! My sister married a minister's son (who was in church at the time)...he subsequently backslid, had numerous affairs, and abused her both physically and verbally consistently. She left (with her two small children) after he beat her so badly she nearly died. What was also terrible about her case was that she had great difficulty convincing her pastor that she was being abused, and was able to receive little or no help with her situation. I have found this to be fairly common.

I believe that our ministers should be required to take some sort of college course in Bible School [or wherever] that educates them on how to deal with this kind of crisis.

My husband grew up in an Assembly of God home (his dad pastored). His father severely abused his wife, my husband, and his three other children. They are still suffering from the effects. My husband's older brother has difficulty even trusting a man of God to pastor him due to his abuse at the hands of a so-called man of God. This is a very sad situation.

There is nothing in Scripture that indicates you must stay in an abusive situation.

There is an excellent article called "The Bible On Battering" at this link. www.wop.com (http://www.wop.com) Click on "Resources" on the left, and then the title of the article.

ApostolicDaught

04-09-2004, 08:10 PM

I will certainly keep you & your ministry in prayer Evang. Sims. I have a very dear online friend who I originally met in a Yahoo group who went through horrible things with her husband. She is an Apostolic who I believe attended a UPC church.

It's a sad thing when you start your life in a house where you are sexually abused by your father & then end up in an abusive marriage. My friend believed in her heart that God was gonna save her husband & stayed in the marriage trying to be the godly example that she believed would use to bring her husband into the faith.

She was going to school to become an RN & her husband had his own business. He would give her $200 a month to buy groceries for a family of four. He would go out & father children outside the home & of course when Child Support Enforcement would come after him to support these outside children it only made life more unbearable for her & the children at home.

They are no longer together, he abandoned her & the children. She is going through the changes that accompany a divorce & support issues for herself plus her children.

I am confident the Lord is going to use you to spread his healing balm to a portion of his body that so desperately needs it. I am mindful of the words the Apostle Paul penned "Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church..." There are definitely a number of men who desperately need that revelation from the Lord.

Praise the Lord Ladies!

I'm new to this forum but I wanted to pose a question. Do you know of any women in the church who was or is in an abusive relationship? People don't want to admit it but Domestic Abuse is occurring in our churches. Yes in our APOSTOLIC churches.

While I know make up, pants and hairstyles tend to still be a topic of discussion among Apostolic women, there are Apostolic women dying and being abused.

Where's the help or encouragement for them? I'll tell you where! I've heard the voice of the Lord and I'm speaking out and doing my part to bring awareness.

Please visit my site at www.keciasims.org (http://www.keciasims.org/) for more information.

Please share your thoughts on this "silent killer" called Domestic Violence.

Thanks,
Evang. Sims

ddc101

04-09-2004, 11:10 PM

Thank you so much Evang.Sims for coming here and sharing this site.

Sister Melody thank the Lord that you knew it was time to be delivered.How many are still trapped in this kind of thing because they feel its Gods will.lv sis.c

ddc101

04-09-2004, 11:11 PM

YES! My sister married a minister's son (who was in church at the time)...he subsequently backslid, had numerous affairs, and abused her both physically and verbally consistently. She left (with her two small children) after he beat her so badly she nearly died. What was also terrible about her case was that she had great difficulty convincing her pastor that she was being abused, and was able to receive little or no help with her situation. I have found this to be fairly common.

I believe that our ministers should be required to take some sort of college course in Bible School [or wherever] that educates them on how to deal with this kind of crisis.

My husband grew up in an Assembly of God home (his dad pastored). His father severely abused his wife, my husband, and his three other children. They are still suffering from the effects. My husband's older brother has difficulty even trusting a man of God to pastor him due to his abuse at the hands of a so-called man of God. This is a very sad situation.

There is nothing in Scripture that indicates you must stay in an abusive situation.

There is an excellent article called "The Bible On Battering" at this link. www.wop.com (http://www.wop.com) Click on "Resources" on the left, and then the title of the article.

Sister Abbigail that is so sad to hear about your sister.I would never counsel anyone to stay where abuse was involved.In fact we have an obligation to report abuse to the law.lv sis.c

survivor4christ

04-09-2004, 11:49 PM

God Bless You and thank you for having a ministry such as this available to help our women be free from this satanic assault on women. If he doesn't do it through abuse as a child, he sends abuse through the man later. I was in an abusive marriage, and am now divorced. God has been so faithful to keep me and my kids...that spirit was rampant in my family. I have a cousin whose husband murdered her, and another cousin who murdered his wife in front of their three small children. And Most of the men in our family has jumped on the wives at least once. It is a demonic spirit and praise God that someone is going to the front lines to combat that devil so he won't take no more of our sisters before their time!

And to all the ladies that is suffering from this, I am gonna tell you like I told an audience of people that I shared my experienced and my cousin horrible, violent, premature demise with....God will give you wisdom on how to get out. Seek God, seek godly counsel, and know it is definitely not the will of God for a woman to remain in an abusive relationship....EVER!!!

When I left my husband, came to find out the shelter was right around the corner from his job!!! There was only one other shelter in the whole city and it was booked solid! I prayed and asked God to hide us until we were able to leave the state, and He did!!! If God did it for me, I know He can do it for you!!!

Do not give in to the fear! It is not from God. Trust in God with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will direct your paths!!! Hallelujah!!!

It is time for our sisters to arise and put on her strength!!! Be strong in the Lord and in the Power of His Might!!!

Thank you sisters for sharing your testimonies!!!

Love,
Sis. Wenona

tinamarie14

04-12-2004, 09:22 AM

Abigail4476

04-12-2004, 12:00 PM

i hate to hear about women being abused or even kids being abused. it makes me sad and want to cry to know that lives are being ruined while we are out having a good time. i have a friend that was in a abusive relationship she got out of it and got help i saw how much it messed up her life and i want to do anything to put the guys who do this to them away.But of course its not only guys abusing kids or women. Women do abuse their kids and husbands which is just as bad nobody deserves to go through that kind of torture and pain.
Yes, it is true that women are also abusive to children and husbands. More often child abuse. However, more deadly encounters usually come from the husband. But one should not overlook or underestimate the amount of damage an abusive woman can do to her household. That said, you will not find many men having to hide out in a battered-shelter.

Apostolic Kitty

04-12-2004, 12:40 PM

Do they even have shelters where men could go?

Abigail4476

04-12-2004, 02:01 PM

Do they even have shelters where men could go?
I seriously doubt it, because:

1. Most women could not inflict enough physical damage on a man to cause the need, and
2. In the cases in which women DO inflict that much damage, it is usually done with a gun, knife or some other sort of weapon (as opposed to bare hands), and it is a homicide case, not a domestic violence case.

Sidenote: I looked it up online and found 2 links, one in Alberta Canada, and one in the UK. (2 links to actual shelters)

Apostolic Kitty

04-12-2004, 02:39 PM

Let me add #3 --

Most men would not want to get help for such a situation. It would be even more damaging to their ego if anyone found out what was going on at home.

:(

Abigail4476

04-12-2004, 02:57 PM

Let me add #3 --

Most men would not want to get help for such a situation. It would be even more damaging to their ego if anyone found out what was going on at home.

:(
Yes, that is true. I am not trying to discount any abuse that men suffer.

Apostolic Kitty

04-12-2004, 03:39 PM

Yes, that is true. I am not trying to discount any abuse that men suffer.
Neither am I. I can only imagine how some men would look at other men who might have this problem...

Deonna

04-12-2004, 09:59 PM

I seriously doubt it, because:

1. Most women could not inflict enough physical damage on a man to cause the need, and
2. In the cases in which women DO inflict that much damage, it is usually done with a gun, knife or some other sort of weapon (as opposed to bare hands), and it is a homicide case, not a domestic violence case.

Sidenote: I looked it up online and found 2 links, one in Alberta Canada, and one in the UK. (2 links to actual shelters)

My cousin went through that with his ex-wife. She forked his back several times but he wouldn't turn her in. Then she paralyzed him another time by kicking him in the back. She was scared then because he had to go to the ER but he didn't turn her in then either. They found out the reason she was so violent was that she has Bipolar disease. Now that she's on meds, she's much calmer.

ddc101

04-12-2004, 10:17 PM

Wow I never thought of it the other way around but I guess there is so much covered under the term abuse.
For instance I took a domestic violence update course as a requirement for nursing lisc.It spoke of financial abuse.To not work or support your family is abuse.lv sis.c

survivor4christ

04-12-2004, 10:17 PM

And he is still with her? Now that is love!

Love,
Sis. Wenona

EvangSims

04-13-2004, 02:17 AM

Praise the Lord Ladies!

I am overwhelmed at the threads I have read. While it's so sad for God's precious gems to have experienced such a painful time, isn't it wonderful to know that Jesus saves, heals and delivers.

We are so much stronger than we realize at times. Especially in the middle of the fight. But thank God, He reminds us that it is in HIM that we have strength. When we listen, He leads us to safety. Thank you Jesus!

There are shelters out there for men and women. Unfortunately, there aren't many for men since statistics say that men are 95% of the abusers. However, they do exist, the man just has to search for the shelter. But that does raise the issue that men are victims/survivors as well of domestic abuse. Law enforcement agencies are beoming more aware and will arrest women too! So don't go throwing pots and pans when you get angry ladies!

Again, thanks for the wonderful responses. Please share my website and information with ladies everywhere. Any other resources to help those who are hurting. Share the knowledge. Let people know that domestic violence is a crime. Also, Isaiah 32:18 says, "And my people shall dwell in a peaceable habitation, and in sure dwellings, and in quiet resting places;" anything outside of that is outside of God's will. He doesn't require us to stay in unpeaceful and unsafe situations.

Many blessings and peace to you all! I celebrate all who had the courage to walk away from the abuse and into the peace of God. I'm praying for those who remain for your safety and for guidance. I would never encourage anyone to leave. Only to seek God for direction. He will lead you!

One final note. Aside from my own personal experience with abuse. God instructed me to take ACTION when a sister in our church was killed by her husband. They were both saved (we thought) and members of the church. Her death hurt me so badly. I vowed that her death wouldn't be in vain. If she had to be the sacrificial lamb to stir this issue up in the minds of the "church folk" I understand God's will.

Keep me in prayer,
Evang. Kecia
www.keciasims.org (http://www.keciasims.org)

Sis

05-10-2004, 01:33 PM

Many men are so sweet in public then abuse their women at home when they're alone. I know of a woman whose closest friends didn't believe her husband was abusing her because he was always so nice, to them. Maybe that's why pastors don't believe it when women tell them about the abuse.

Also, I've noticed that many Apostolic men have the old 1950's view of women, like in the sit-coms. They think of women as hysterical. They complain about little things and blow them out of proportion. *sigh* Well abused women do the opposite, usually. They hide it. They blame themselves for the problems. The verbal abuse they suffer (that probably started before the physical abuse) bashes their very being. Being told you are stupid, useless and nobody will ever want you makes you feel responsible for HIS tirades. He has successfully shifted the blame to the woman.

If a woman has children and she stays in the abusive situation, the children are learning how to be abusers, or be the abused. The boys learn this is how you treat women. The girls learn this is how it is for women and they may just accept it as their role.

Abused women often get into the same kind of relationship again and again. Some were abused or saw abuse as children, then married an abuser. Partly because it's familiar. There are other things in the abuser's personality that are nice. They tend to go overboard to be nice after the abuse. They feel guilt and they try to be super nice. This phase is what attracts the abused women again and again. She doesn't see the rest of it in a new relationship until it's too late.

Remember, if you counsel these women, they're afraid. Afraid for their lives. Don't just say, get out, move. First of all, these women have been cut off from friends and even money. They have to account for every second of time and every cent. They can't save to get away. They fear their husband will find them and force them to come back, and face the rage that may kill them. Like I said before, the most dangerous time for an abused woman is when she leaves her abuser. He thinks he owns her and she, as his property is to do what he says when he says.

Also, if a woman DOES get out, she will not be thinking normally. She may be quite fearful for a long time. I heard a pastor say, once, to a woman who had been abused, just get over it, you're out of the situation now. *shakes head* She may NEVER get over it. God can smooth things over, but there will be lingering problems. The first one being, she may hate to be grabbed, even when kidding around. Don't ever grab an abused woman by the arm and turn her around, she may come back fighting or cover her face. An abused woman is like a prisoner of war, or a concentration camp victim. She has been battered to her very soul and even after finding help, there ARE lingering effects.

Apostolic churches are like any other church. When visitors have come in and said something negative that they know about another saint, I tell them the church is and always has been made up of the following:
Those who live their all for God
Those who sit on the sidelines watching
Those who are kind of in and kind of out
Those who are not in but are looking for something (husband/wife)
Those who aren't sure they want to be in so they hang out to see
Those who have left and want to come back only to start trouble
And those who are thinking of leaving
Ect.

Sorry this was so long, but it's something that is close to my heart.

4everwithJesus

10-08-2004, 04:09 AM

Bump-ing it up to the top....

LilOrphanAnnie

10-08-2004, 08:38 AM

wow, that is some avatar you have there

I haven't seen that since I left the Catholic church- actually not even then, the sisters that were my teachers wore a different kind of habit. That's a different order.

Whew

nyedel3

10-08-2004, 02:45 PM

I seriously doubt it, because:

1. Most women could not inflict enough physical damage on a man to cause the need, and
2. In the cases in which women DO inflict that much damage, it is usually done with a gun, knife or some other sort of weapon (as opposed to bare hands), and it is a homicide case, not a domestic violence case.

Sidenote: I looked it up online and found 2 links, one in Alberta Canada, and one in the UK. (2 links to actual shelters) My Brother in law just went through four yrs of abuse from his wife.Now he is going through divorce and custody for his kids,she not only abused him but her kids too. Abuse can happen to men too, some just don't say anything about it.

Single4ASeason

10-08-2004, 02:46 PM

My Brother in law just went through four yrs of abuse from his wife.Now he is going through divorce and custody for his kids,she not only abused him but her kids too. Abuse can happen to men too, some just don't say anything about it.
I've heard of that before, too. One of my uncles was married to a woman who would knock the fire out of him every time she got mad. He never raised a hand to her, though. They're divorced now.

Pamela

Abigail4476

10-08-2004, 03:06 PM

My Brother in law just went through four yrs of abuse from his wife.Now he is going through divorce and custody for his kids,she not only abused him but her kids too. Abuse can happen to men too, some just don't say anything about it.
Yes, I didn't say that it doesn't happen. But it is rarely as physically harmful or deadly as the abuse inflicted on women by men. A woman slapping a man is abuse. She is dead wrong. And he'll possibly have a bruise or sore cheek. A man slapping a woman using his full strength can knock her up against a wall and even kill her with a single blow. So while both are terrible, the physical effects of the male to female are much greater in comparison and statistically.

But I didn't state that to deny that men are abused. I was just giving factual statistics. It doesn't happen as much, and often when it does, it is in response to abuse she received herself at the hand of their husband. Also, there is a phenomenon called "delayed self-defense." That is, a woman who has been severely abused may never fight back, until she catches her husband in a weak or vulnerable moment or state, and then she may go so far as to even kill him. In some places this would be considered self defense just as if you were kidnapped, tortured and then snuck up behind your captor when he was passively watching TV and shot him.

There are many complexities and dynamics within this topic, and I would be crazy to think I could cover them all. I only attempted to cover some of the issues women face.

nyedel3

10-08-2004, 03:23 PM

Yes it does happen, she does not think she did anything wrong. Yes she has a mentle illness but won't stay on her meds.It is a sad story,she really needs prayer but he has no choice but to divorce her or lose his kids. He choose his kids.I know what it is like to deal with emotional abuse.
In Jesus's love

Delphine

Walk4jesuS

10-09-2004, 01:23 PM

abuse of any kind is such a sad thing to see in this world. Physically it may not be as damaging for men at times, but then again it can be too...we have some pretty strong women today...but none the less it is the mental and emotional effects of abuse that keep both men and women bound by abuse...it is a terrible thing. I hope that anyone in an abusive relationship of any kind can reach out and try to get themselves some help...though i know it is hard to speak up and speak out when often in these situations the victim/survivor is told lies that degrades them and makes them think that there is no help and even if there were they wouldnt receive it.

special hugs and lots of prayers to all who have been through this or who are going through it at the time (*(*(*(*all*)*)*)*)

Tam

08-27-2005, 07:45 PM

Hello, I am new here. I am Apostoic. I have been for 6 years now. I married at 19, I was in the world and so was he. He was into drugs and alcohol, I was not. I drank a little, but after I married I grew up and stopped. He continued. After a year, he started to slap me around and pushing me. He told me this was not abuse, because he slapped instead of hitting me with his fist. I left him and divorced him after 4 years of marriage. But, if you know anything about abuse. The man says he will change and goes to rehab or whatever and the woman feels guilty and takes him back.
This last time, he started going to church with me and got the Holy Ghost the first night. The pastor told me I should try to get back together with him. I married him, and went through tremendous abuse, verbal, physical, and mental. He started using drugs and when I found a needle, I called my Pastor to see what I should do. He told me, not to say anything and he would handle it. I believed my Pastor. He never spoke to my former husband.
It got so bad, I started praying for Jesus to either change his heart or to leave. I prayed this starting one Friday and he left that Monday and I really haven't seen him for two years.
My ex, however, will talk to my pastor and tell him lies. My ex hasn't been to church in over 2 years and my pastor will believe him over me. And that hurts.
May Jesus Bless us all with Knowledge and Wisdom to make it through our trying times.

daisy lover

08-28-2005, 01:27 PM

It's the circle of abuse, ladies.

1) Things are great....honeymoon stage
2) Then something happens....he/she gets mad
3) Abuse (that can be physicle, social, mental)
4) Remorse...the abuser begins to apoligize
5) Things turn great....honeymoon stage

You see.....a circle.

So my parents divorced when I was 5...my mother was abusive to dad. Then my mom moved "Uncle Joe" in. He was a friend of my parents and had just been divorced himself...he had no where to go. He slept on our couch. One day Uncle Joe came to us kids and said that we couldn't call him that any more because he was gonna marrie mom. The first 5 years was great. He was so nice to us, but for some reason my oldest brother didn't like him and he moved to my grandma's house. They started fighting more and more.....and mom would come home drunk more and more. She would wake up with a sprained arm or leg.....something would always be hurt. We would ask how she did it and it would always be that she slipped walking up the driveway from the car.

My middle brother moved one day after a huge fight and went to dads. This left just me at home. Mom was getting hurt more and more....calling in sick to work. She got fired and lost all of her money (she was under the control of Joe).

Christmas 1990, we had dinner by ourselves...that is what Joe wanted. He was so mean all day long. Dinner was ready and he wanted it served in the front room in front of the TV. He sat on the big couch....mom and my brother Bill were on the love seat...and I was on the harth, infront of the fireplace. I guess the peas were cold and he started yelling at my mom....calling her names....so I opened my mouth, called some names back.....and BAM. My head went smashing into the glass fireplace doors. Bill went to his room, got his shotgun, pointed it at him and said, "Hit her again, I dare you." Mom started freaking out. Pleading with my brother to put down the gun. Bill left and went to my dads house (it was 4 blocks away). I ran into my room and locked myself in there. Mom came into my room and begged me to not call the police...said if I did she would kill herself and it would be all my fault. That is when I figured out that there was something wrong.

The abuse continued and I was told that no one would ever love me....the only way I was ever going to have kids was because I was "easy". He was so mean. I graduated high school in June of 1994 and on July 3, 1994 he beat my mom so bad that came home and didn't even know who she was. He went to jail. But, because his mother had money she bailed him out and he was gone to her house. The next morning he pleaded with my mom to come home and she gave in. They were ordered to counsoling, seperate as well as together. The came to the conclusion that he had PTSD form Nam. I think it was a crock.

The abuse continued and at that point I did anything to get him to hit again. Now he had stopped hitting but the verbal/emotional abuse was going strong. He kept going and going and going....mom was trying to find a way to get out of the marriage. She was putting money away so that she could leave him. She was just about ready and then on July 14, 2000 Joe suffered a heart attack at work and died.

Am I glad that he is gone? Yes. He can't hurt us anymore. Do I miss him? Yes. He raised me.

She just got remarried to a wonderful man last week, after 5 years. He is so nice and he takes care of her. She deserves nothing but the best.

That is my story.

tufluv

08-28-2005, 11:26 PM

TAM:
My ex, however, will talk to my pastor and tell him lies. My ex hasn't been to church in over 2 years and my pastor will believe him over me. And that hurts.
First welcome to this CAFE! ;)

Now reading this hit home..'cause this should not be..
WHY is it that pastors will believe the "ex" or "soon-to-be-ex" over the woman? This is so-o-o unfair, and yet I've been hearing of and seeing this happen. :wah:
Is it a "man" thing?
Like people often say that women will take up for women, I wonder if that is the case with men. :shrug:

Sorry that all your attempts to reconcile your marriage didn't work out; I've been watching this happen currently in a close sisters life, so much suffering..in fact, there is yet another sister I got to see today that is also in a similar sad situation.
The LORD says we can have only one husband and so it is imperative to 'work it out' ... or go without., a life partner.
Its sad when the only alternative is a life of abuse and general misery., at the hand of an unrepentant man.

Melody

08-29-2005, 11:13 AM

TAM:

First welcome to this CAFE! ;)

Now reading this hit home..'cause this should not be..
WHY is it that pastors will believe the "ex" or "soon-to-be-ex" over the woman? This is so-o-o unfair, and yet I've been hearing of and seeing this happen. :wah:
Is it a "man" thing?
Like people often say that women will take up for women, I wonder if that is the case with men. :shrug:

Sorry that all your attempts to reconcile your marriage didn't work out; I've been watching this happen currently in a close sisters life, so much suffering..in fact, there is yet another sister I got to see today that is also in a similar sad situation.
The LORD says we can have only one husband and so it is imperative to 'work it out' ... or go without., a life partner.
Its sad when the only alternative is a life of abuse and general misery., at the hand of an unrepentant man.

I disagree that leaving an abusive spouse means that one must never marry again.

An abusive spouse is an unbeliever, and the scripture is clear that if an unbeleaving spouse is not well pleased that the beleiver is free from that marriage.

FREE means FREE. There is no longer a bond to that marriage and the believer is FREE to marry again.

1Cr 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
1Cr 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
1Cr 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such [cases]: but God hath called us to peace.

ddc101

08-29-2005, 05:06 PM

daisy lover

08-29-2005, 11:01 PM

So then do you believe that when a person looses a spouse to death, is it ok for that person to take another husband or wife. You say that a vow was taken....is this vow now void?

Just wondering.

Tam

08-29-2005, 11:27 PM

Hi, thanks for the feed back girls! I however am wishy washy on my belief on this subject. I have heard what Melody has said before and what ddc101. I; however, do not believe Jesus would condem me if I was to marry again, because He knows I have did all that I honestly could. But, right now I am very happy and if He chooses to not allow me to marry, I will be happily married to Him.
Many women in the world are being abused and even though I went against my vow, I am glad I made it out alive and with a sound mind. I have Jesus to thank for that.
And just like that sister said earlier, part of me loves the man I married, and part of me is totally scared of him. You have no idea, until you or someone you love dearly has lived through this, of how bad it really is.

Melody

08-30-2005, 03:04 AM

Sister I disagree.A covenant is a covenant.Where does the bible say you can go to the altar and vow a vow and then when things get worse break that vow? Abuse is not adultry or fornication.An abuser is not defined as an unbeliever.Maybe a disobedient person but not necessarily and unbeliever.
A person can believe in one God and be baptised in Jesus name and even have the Holy Ghost and then turn around and abuse their family.Big difference.Remember what the words of the vow were.God did not make anyone to vow those words they were freely vowed.lv sis.c

And that vow has been broken, or do you consider physical and emotional abuse part of the vow to love, honor and cherish?

A covenant requires two participants, once that covenant has been broken by one it is no longer binding on the other participant.

homemom

08-30-2005, 03:34 AM

So then do you believe that when a person looses a spouse to death, is it ok for that person to take another husband or wife. You say that a vow was taken....is this vow now void?

Just wondering.

A marriage vow is fullfilled when death occurs.

the vow is "till death us do part" Unless perphaps the couple vowed something else.

I COR 8:39 anwsers this perfectly.

"The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord."

So the vow is not void it is fullfilled and remarriage after death of a spouse is permitted.

But with abuse I would state that this husband has clearly violated the command to love his wife as his own body as in Eph 5 and they command to render unto the wife due benevolence as stated in I Cor 7:3.

Now as to divorce and abuse...

I really don't know. Scripture is silent on that particular point. It gives freedom for remarriage with adultery of the innocent party but no the guilty. But it doesn't speak to abuse. However I would think that God would not force a wife to stay where her or her children would be in physical danger if it could be gotten away from. I would think seperation would be permitted and encourged for physical safety. God provided paces of refuge for people who killed someone accidentally even when He demanded and eye for an eye as law for anyone who would kill.

I can clearly see that God would be friendly towards a woman fleeing physical abuse. But I don't think God would allow even divorce in these circumstances. The church should be this woman's support. But there are very few local bodies that would truly come into place to be a support and a help in this day and age.

Now verbal and emotional abuse while terrible and just as hurtful as physical abuse is probably not a reason for seperating and definately not for divorce. These are terrible emotional scars that wound us deeply but these are the very things that Jesus heals us from.

An abuser will always answer to God for his abuse when we forgive. And forgiveness is not enabling them to do further damage to us or to excuse the behavior in any way. It only allows our human self to get out of the way and allows GOd to return vengance or to deal with the abuser.

THis could also be used in the face of physical abuse but like I said, getting out of harms way seems to be a valid first option.

homemom

08-30-2005, 03:41 AM

To the Sister that experienced this first hand, my heart goes out to you. You have lived through what all of us pray will never happen and few of us have ever experienced.

You recieve no condemnation from me or judgement.

I pray that Jesus heals all your scars no matter where they are. And I pray He keeps you in ways you never thought possible.

You are in His hands and they are gentle. He carved your name into His palms. And you are the apple of his eye. And he that dwelleth in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty!

You are safe with Him sister. Stay there with Him.

Tam

09-01-2005, 12:13 AM

Thank You for the encourgement Sister! He has healed me, Praise God. I learned a lot through my trials, good and bad. Really, the worst thing I lost and really haven't totally regained is trust in people. I know first hand what drugs does to a family and I try to help people that is in this type of situation. If I had known God like I know Him now, I probably would not have married this man. However, I did not know God then and I would not have my 2 beautifull girls. I still love my husband, I just can't live with him and put my girls and myself in danger. Even if I was allowed to marry, I really don't know wheather I would. In my heart I still see him as my husband. I know their are bad parts of him, but their are also good parts of him. I guess you could say, I blame the drugs more than him. But, he loves his lifestyle. We have been through 2 rehabs and 1 year prison term and always ends up the same way. We would have been together 13 years on 9-11-05.
But, Praise God He has gave me strength to make it through!!!