"DOOMED" to be Forever Single???

[bjc40]

I have two questions:

1. Should a pastor/preacher be held to the same marriage/divorce standard as "just" a church member?

2. If You and Your spouse are both saved and he/she backslides and gets a divorce, and there is no hope to reconcile. Your spouse remarries, then are You "DOOMED" to be forever single? If You remarry, do You commit adultry??

All opinions will be appreciated....

Brother bjc40

[NanaRenan]

You said "opinions" and I almost always have one of those handy! :icon_laug

Seriously though -- to your second question -- I have no scriptures, just a personal opinion. Once the partner remarries, their vows have been broken and the other is then free to remarry.

FOOLISH, maybe, **wink,wink** but free. :icon_craz

[ddc101]

No there is a higher standard for the ministry.The bible speaks of qualifications for ministry.For instance a bishop.Well if a bishop has a living spouse that is married to another I don't see where he can take another and fullfill that qualification.I know we speak of adultry as the only route out but why not remain single and devote yourself to the work of God? If Pastor dies i plan on that unless God has other plans.I then will buy entrees for one and get a motor home and help home missions works.lv sis.c

[Naomi]

No there is a higher standard for the ministry.The bible speaks of qualifications for ministry.For instance a bishop.Well if a bishop has a living spouse that is married to another I don't see where he can take another and fullfill that qualification. Well said,ddc.

[Hnovilla]

His NAME is Jesus!

"No there is a higher standard for the ministry."

Church, if there COULD be "higher standards" for the Ministry, then that would presuppose more liberal standards for the rest of the Church! This cannot be. I believe those are standards for ALL the Church, which are the minimum for a Minister. Now if a Minister cannot meet those equal standards, then how can he minister under greater responsibilities?

Additionally, according to the Apostle Paul, if a man (or woman) is widowed or the spouse leaves, then the Brother/Sister is able to serve the Lord with greater freedom. They are not DOOMED to be single; unless one regards the freedom to serve the Lord as a curse. In which case, let us be very careful how we choose our mate and how we advise future generations as to how to choose a mate.
I would urge the Church to be extremely leery of anyone who freely espouses divorce; for the freedom to choose ANOTHER mate is not freedom, but a snare for the weak and unknowing. They would have one believe that they can interpret the words of the Lord far better than our Lord can, when He said, "...but from the beginning, it was not so..." They would say, "But from the beginning it was not so, EXCEPT..." Unfortunately, many have earned themselves places of responsibility within the heirarchy.

It's the Gospel, Church!
Brother Villa

[foxfamily238]

His NAME is Jesus!

"No there is a higher standard for the ministry."

Church, if there COULD be "higher standards" for the Ministry, then that would presuppose more liberal standards for the rest of the Church! This cannot be. I believe those are standards for ALL the Church, which are the minimum for a Minister. Now if a Minister cannot meet those equal standards, then how can he minister under greater responsibilities?
Brother Villa
Amen, brother Villa. (Like your posting on Apostolic.net as well!):) Yes, the higher standard is a nice sounded, theoretical verbaige for what is not clearly stated within the scriptures. Who's standards are being referenced here? Biblical or the same ol' man's personal thoughts. Please study the scriptures in relation to Apostle Paul. Unfortunately, so many apostolics just go by what thier personal pastor has told, yet study for yourself the O.G of both Separation and Divorce. God is divorced and remarried. Don't believe me? Jer. 3:8 And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also. Who's God's bride? His church. Don't consider that remarried? think again! ;)
The "bishop's qualifications" do not concur any thought marriage or remarraige, only what it says....

the husband of one wife.. -KJV
he must have only one wife -GNT
must be well-thought-of, committed to his wife -MESSAGE
He must have only one wife -GWT
Does this really sound like it's talking about divorce or re-marriage? Come on people, once again, this is taking scripture and forcing it into a traditional teaching, a long standing concept. Sounds good, but it is not truth.

[Deonna]

I have to agree with you Foxfamily238

[foxfamily238]

I have to agree with you Foxfamily238Thanks. It's just a good idea to be as precise as possible. We're exhorted to "Study to shew thyself approved unto God (not ourselves), a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth." 2nd Tim. 2:15.

It's funny when I hear things like, "Jesus said if He be lifted up, He will draw all men. So, let's lift him up by praise." When it is clear in scripture, that it is referring to being lifted up on the cross from the earth. Just stuff like that.

Let's rightly divide the word of truth in Jesus name! Amen.:tup:

[ddc101]

There are multiple churches who teach and believe that if a person is divorced before they are saved that after they come to God they must remain single or its adultry.We do not teach such but I have heard it taught.lv sis.c

[Qwizcoach]

His NAME is Jesus!

"No there is a higher standard for the ministry."

Church, if there COULD be "higher standards" for the Ministry, then that would presuppose more liberal standards for the rest of the Church! This cannot be. I believe those are standards for ALL the Church, which are the minimum for a Minister. Now if a Minister cannot meet those equal standards, then how can he minister under greater responsibilities?

Additionally, according to the Apostle Paul, if a man (or woman) is widowed or the spouse leaves, then the Brother/Sister is able to serve the Lord with greater freedom. They are not DOOMED to be single; unless one regards the freedom to serve the Lord as a curse. In which case, let us be very careful how we choose our mate and how we advise future generations as to how to choose a mate.
I would urge the Church to be extremely leery of anyone who freely espouses divorce; for the freedom to choose ANOTHER mate is not freedom, but a snare for the weak and unknowing. They would have one believe that they can interpret the words of the Lord far better than our Lord can, when He said, "...but from the beginning, it was not so..." They would say, "But from the beginning it was not so, EXCEPT..." Unfortunately, many have earned themselves places of responsibility within the heirarchy.

It's the Gospel, Church!
Brother Villa
Good points Brother Villa,


My personal opinion is that when you stand before God and man and vow in a marriage ceremony until death do us part, that is EXACTLY what it means. I would be afraid to break a vow that was made before God. If my husband were ever to leave me (and I don't ever forsee that happening) I would stay single until DEATH do us part, regardless of his circumstances and if he remarried or not. I don't feel that we are free to up and divorce and remarry. I believe we are ALL (saints and ministry alike) held to a higher standard than the world around us.

[Janice Alvear]

There are lots of "opinions" on this subject until it comes home...then some sing another tune...

[ddc101]

haha So I agree Sister Alvear.It seems that when God called me to preach a pastor friend was so against it because it was against the word in his eyes until his daughter received the call.Then a much different story came forth.lv sis.c

[John Elder]

I think the main thing we need to look at here is who God has joined together? If people are not saved, then they are not joined together by God, then God didn't join them. Note verse 9 also, you commit adultery when you remarry if you divorce for any other reason then adultery.

Math.19:2: And great multitudes followed him; and he healed them there.
3: The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
4: And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
5: And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
6: Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
7: They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?
8: He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
9: And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, (adultery) and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

If we are joined to a harlot we are one. That makes both a harlot and if a person is married to a harlot that makes Jesus a harlot because we are also joined to Jesus. If a person is married to a harlot, you must divorce him or her unless the person repents and stays repented.

1 Cor.6:15: Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of a harlot? God forbid.
16: What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.
17: But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.
18: Flee fornication. (Adultery) Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that commiteth fornication (adultery) sinneth against his own body.
19: What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
20: For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.



1 Cor.7: 1: Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
2: Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own (one) husband.
3: Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
4: The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
5: Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
6: But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.
7: For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.
8: I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.
9: But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
10: And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
11: But and if she depart, ( for anything other then adultery) let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

(Now here in verse 12 is talking about if a believer is married to an unbeliever)

1 Cor.7:12: But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
13: And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
14: For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
15: But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage (under bondage means, you are not bound by the law of marriage because the person is not a believer and God didn't join them together) in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
16: For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?


1 Cor.7:39: The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.

[ddc101]

John Elder I disagree with that detestable doctrine.People are just as married whether its in a church or at city hall.Married is married is married.The vow sealed the covenant so to divorce with that lame excuse is to still be divorced.That is sounding too much like the missing rib doctrine for me.lv sis.c

[soldout4Jesus]

John Elder I disagree with that detestable doctrine.People are just as married whether its in a church or at city hall.Married is married is married.The vow sealed the covenant so to divorce with that lame excuse is to still be divorced.That is sounding too much like the missing rib doctrine for me.lv sis.c

Missing rib doctrine? What's that, sis. Cooper? pls. share something...

[pierceman1961]

Some people do not want to acknowledge people in the church after they have faced a broken relationship whether saint or minister. If God did not want us to help them then why is there so much information/references about: putting away etc... from the OT to the NT?

[ddc101]

Missing rib doctrine? What's that, sis. Cooper? pls. share something...

It was something that Brother Rutledge shared with us during the earlier part of the year.Some have erred in that they decide that the wife they are married to isn't the rib God wanted them to have so they go off and get the right rib and divorce the one whom they say was not Gods will.And in doing this they wipe their mouth and say they have done no wrong.lv sis.c

[bjc40]

I just get soooo tired of people who end up getting divorced through no fault of their own being treated as "second class" christians by the church.:down:
Some churches do have a "twice single" group for divorces, as they have a "young married" group, an "adult group" and teen group which go on church trips and out to eat, and etc as a group.
Do yall think this is a good idea, a "twice single" group???
Just wondering,
Brother bjc40

[sushi607]

I just get soooo tired of people who end up getting divorced through no fault of their own being treated as "second class" christians by the church.:down:
Some churches do have a "twice single" group for divorces, as they have a "young married" group, an "adult group" and teen group which go on church trips and out to eat, and etc as a group.
Do yall think this is a good idea, a "twice single" group???
Just wondering,
Brother bjc40
Brother, I know exactly what you mean. I was a divorcee for 13 years (My ex died in Oct. 2000). I'm not gonna go into the details. Anyway, for years I felt like a headless monster, out from the proper God ordained umbrella of protection, and the preaching on how beautiful and how sacred marriage and intact families are and how deprived children of divorced parents are, when you are alone, hurting and feeling guilty as it is and you raise 2 children by yourself ... doesn't really help. You are not part of the singles, cause they are usually younger than you and don't have your responsibilities and you are not part of the marrieds either. You belong nowhere. It hurts and noone understands. I know people say "all you need is Jesus" and "in Jesus we have enough" but those people are the ones that are happily married. So that is easy for them to say when you are lonely. And to say "Twice single" to me that is an insult. It sounds like "you failure you." Maybe a different name, a less hurting name would be better.

Sis. Doris

[Bought By Blood]

There are multiple churches who teach and believe that if a person is divorced before they are saved that after they come to God they must remain single or its adultry.We do not teach such but I have heard it taught.lv sis.c
This doctrine would be incorrect because judgment begins at the house of God .. also when you come to God, ALL things are made new ... that includes you marital status ... if you were divorced before coming to God. The same as if you have committed fornication, for he that is joined to an harlot is one flesh (I Cor 6:16) ... so if we teach that a person who is divorced before they are born again cannot remarry, then also a person who commits fornication cannot marry ... but I do not think you will hear this preached.

In the church is a different story. The teaching of I Cor 7 has been misconstrued by many to say that it is OK for a Brother or Sister to remarry if the unbelieving depart because it says "A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases." But careful study of Paul's words here will show that he is saying it is not your responsibility to keep it together if they want to leave ... it does not say it is OK to remarry. There are guidelined already laid out for remarraige, and if your spouse dies, or commits fornication, you are free to remarry .... if you remarry for any other reason you are commiting adultery ...

BBB

[xsimmsx]

This doctrine would be incorrect because judgment begins at the house of God .. also when you come to God, ALL things are made new ... that includes you marital status ... if you were divorced before coming to God. The same as if you have committed fornication, for he that is joined to an harlot is one flesh (I Cor 6:16) ... so if we teach that a person who is divorced before they are born again cannot remarry, then also a person who commits fornication cannot marry ... but I do not think you will hear this preached.

In the church is a different story. The teaching of I Cor 7 has been misconstrued by many to say that it is OK for a Brother or Sister to remarry if the unbelieving depart because it says "A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases." But careful study of Paul's words here will show that he is saying it is not your responsibility to keep it together if they want to leave ... it does not say it is OK to remarry. There are guidelined already laid out for remarraige, and if your spouse dies, or commits fornication, you are free to remarry .... if you remarry for any other reason you are commiting adultery ...

BBB

Can you elaborate your careful study? Right now I disagree with it. I'll tell you why I disagree first I take the verse as it is my greek is rusty :)


1 Corinthians 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

Case of unbelieving departing you are not bound in this case. This means you were loosed from a wife. Does it say free to remarry NO. But then another example in the same chapter.

1 Corinthians 7:27 Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.

Notice in verse 27 the instruction "are you loosed from a wife? seek not a wife."

1 Corinthians 7:28 But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.

Verse 28 however answers 27 it starts with an interjection BUT and IF thou marry, thou hast not sinned;

So worst case scenario you disobey the command not to remarry but it is NOT sin.

And I think that is the point of not being in bondage. If you are not in bondage to something then you are freed from it. In order to truly be free you have to not inherit the curse that you had when you were bound. I figure that is what restoration is all about. But feel free to correct me if you have a better view.


God Bless Joshua

[jsc1215]

I have two questions:

1. Should a pastor/preacher be held to the same marriage/divorce standard as "just" a church member?

2. If You and Your spouse are both saved and he/she backslides and gets a divorce, and there is no hope to reconcile. Your spouse remarries, then are You "DOOMED" to be forever single? If You remarry, do You commit adultry??

All opinions will be appreciated....

Brother bjc40

Here is my take:

1. A pastor/preacher should be held to a higher standard than the rank and file. They are examples to the flock, and must be accountasble not only to themselves, but those to whom they minister and counsel.

2. This is a tough one. At my old church, we had a situation like the one you described. The ex-wife of a member left the husband for another man. She had no intentions of reconciling. It took almost two years for the member to learn she had re-married to another; aftere some counseling and prayer, he was free to re-marry, which he did a year later. I would recommend talking this over with your local pastor or elders.

As for me: I was in the world when I got married. I was reconciled to God last year, and my wife still refuses to accept the truth. If the marriage falls apart, I don't know if I would remarry. I think at this stage in my life I would most likely get more deeply involved in ministry and remain single for a while, thus removing a lot of stress from my life.

[jesusfreak11_20]

Good questions!!

Pastors are held by the same standards of the Word of God we are still a member of the church just like everyone else the calling we have from the Lord sets us a part and we should live the Word in our daily walk.

Now for the question if the Pastor wife divorces him and remarries well according to the Word of God divorce is not God's will take a look at the life of Hosea and his wife even though she was a harlot the Lord lead Hosea to redeem her! It is not in his will for us to divorce but it if occurs we are not to remarry.

[jesusfreak11_20]

I just get soooo tired of people who end up getting divorced through no fault of their own being treated as "second class" christians by the church.:down:
Some churches do have a "twice single" group for divorces, as they have a "young married" group, an "adult group" and teen group which go on church trips and out to eat, and etc as a group.
Do yall think this is a good idea, a "twice single" group???
Just wondering,
Brother bjc40

Brother bjc40 I think that is a wonderful idea as a Pastor I don't think or believe that anyone should come to church and feel as you say as a second class christian. To God we are all equal in His sight but I think the twice single group is an excellent idea

God Bless you

Pastor Jess

[ddc101]

Here is my take:

1. A pastor/preacher should be held to a higher standard than the rank and file. They are examples to the flock, and must be accountasble not only to themselves, but those to whom they minister and counsel.

2. This is a tough one. At my old church, we had a situation like the one you described. The ex-wife of a member left the husband for another man. She had no intentions of reconciling. It took almost two years for the member to learn she had re-married to another; aftere some counseling and prayer, he was free to re-marry, which he did a year later. I would recommend talking this over with your local pastor or elders.

As for me: I was in the world when I got married. I was reconciled to God last year, and my wife still refuses to accept the truth. If the marriage falls apart, I don't know if I would remarry. I think at this stage in my life I would most likely get more deeply involved in ministry and remain single for a while, thus removing a lot of stress from my life.

Wow that is a good idea but most do not do so.They remarry within a few months.I was told that men don't like to be alone.They like a family life.lv sis.c

[marguerite3449]

read the word theres not a set a rules for one god is no respect of person

[ddc101]

read the word theres not a set a rules for one god is no respect of person
Hi Marguerite,
Could you please elaborate on this? lv sis.c

[Sis B]

Seems to me that if someone is the "innocent" party (ie their spouse either backslides & cheats, or never got saved & cheats, leaves to "do their own thing" or "find themself" etc..) it is not fair or loving to punish that person with enforced single living.

And yes it is wrong to treat an innocent & injured party as "second class" in the church.

If you are blameless, you should be able to re-marry in the Lord.

[SisEdith]

I have two questions:

1. Should a pastor/preacher be held to the same marriage/divorce standard as "just" a church member?

2. If You and Your spouse are both saved and he/she backslides and gets a divorce, and there is no hope to reconcile. Your spouse remarries, then are You "DOOMED" to be forever single? If You remarry, do You commit adultry??

All opinions will be appreciated....

Brother bjc40

You want opinions? What about the Word?

[freedom724]

I agree with Sister Alvear.....

[ddc101]

Hey I didn't see that post.What did she say....???????????????? :cool:

[Melody]

Brother, I know exactly what you mean. I was a divorcee for 13 years (My ex died in Oct. 2000). I'm not gonna go into the details. Anyway, for years I felt like a headless monster, out from the proper God ordained umbrella of protection, and the preaching on how beautiful and how sacred marriage and intact families are and how deprived children of divorced parents are, when you are alone, hurting and feeling guilty as it is and you raise 2 children by yourself ... doesn't really help. You are not part of the singles, cause they are usually younger than you and don't have your responsibilities and you are not part of the marrieds either. You belong nowhere. It hurts and noone understands. I know people say "all you need is Jesus" and "in Jesus we have enough" but those people are the ones that are happily married. So that is easy for them to say when you are lonely. And to say "Twice single" to me that is an insult. It sounds like "you failure you." Maybe a different name, a less hurting name would be better.

Sis. Doris


It's even less fun being married without a spouse. My husband is in prison and I don't fit in ANY group. I'm too old to be in the young adults, but my children are only 11 years old and are unwelcome at the older adults get-togethers.
I have set in sooo many sermons on reconciliation of marriage differences that I feel like screaming.

[Just wondering]

It's even less fun being married without a spouse. My husband is in prison and I don't fit in ANY group. I'm too old to be in the young adults, but my children are only 11 years old and are unwelcome at the older adults get-togethers.
I have set in sooo many sermons on reconciliation of marriage differences that I feel like screaming.

There are cases where one won't go to church with the other one. So where does the one that goes to church fit in? They are not single so they definitely wouldn't fit in with the singles. They are married but they really don't fit in with the married because they feel like the third wheel.

[revtonysantucci]

Somebody lied to you. If your spouse backslides and you end up getting a divorce, you are free from them if it was for fornication. You are allowed to get married again. When people say the husband of one wife, it means being married to one woman at a time, not several. The bible is literal. If you want to be a bishop you must be a husband of one wife. Look at the times and things that were going on during the time period in which the bible was written. There was all kinds of evil going on in the world. It is still here, but the writers were addressing issues they saw everyday.