Quotes from the "wise" and popular of this world...

[jbenjesus]

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey

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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jac&#*! (donkey), and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.

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"Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark (I thought that Yogi Berra said this??)

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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President

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""We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" --Lee Iacocca

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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

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"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." -- Bill Clinton, President

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"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." --Al Gore, VP

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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery

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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."

--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

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These reminded me of our sermon slip ups thread.

Is it any wonder we should pray for our leaders!!! :D

[nightwatchman]

And they make fun of G.W.Bush!!!!!!

[Sandy]

These may not be quotes from the popular of the world, but certainly often the wise none the less. Enjoy:



Kids will never cease to amaze... This is hilarious!!!!! In any school
district, one must give credit to the creative minds among us. These
are actual test answers from various schools in the Huntsville, AL
metropolitan area.

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep, and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax
and
the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax
contains the
heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five
bowels,A,E,I,O,and U.

Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section."
A: The caesarian section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like
umbrellas.

Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its
meaning.
A: Hands that are judicious can be soft as your face.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.

Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs.

[searching]

The one I thought would be mentioned, wasn't.

"I didn't have sex with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky."

Bill Clinton

Me...

[Hebrews116]

Actually, it was, "I didn't have sexual relations with that woman, Ms Lewinski!"

Bill Clinton, President

[Xerf]

To which Ms Lewinski replied, "Oh yeah! Well Billy Boy you aint no relative of mine neither!"


:rolleyes:

[John Atkinson]

A few of my favorites....

Maxim Gorky

A good man can be stupid and still be good. But a bad man must have brains.

Newt Gingrich
You can't trust anybody with power.

Mark Twain
Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she has laid an asteroid.

Oscar Wilde
Ah! Don't say that you agree with me. When People agree with me I always feel that I must be wrong.

Nikita Krushchev
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge where there is no river.

Groucho Marx
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

Sir Winston Churchill
Men occasionally stumble on the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.

Clarence Darrow
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.

Anatole France
The books that everybody admires are those nobody reads.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Know thyself? If I knew myself, I'd run away.

Mel Brooks
Tragedy is when I cut my finger, comedy is when you fall into an open manhole and die.

and last but not least....

Mark Twain
No, I did not attend the funeral, but I did send a nice note saying that I thoroughly approved of it.

[Webmaster]

I do not remember where I heard this, but it was years ago:

We the unwilling, led by the unknowing are doing the impossible for the ungrateful...we have now done so much for so long with so little, we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.

Sounds like a webmaster to me....:)

[survivor4christ]

These are funny, guys!

Sis. Wenona

[Sandy]

Well I like the kids quotes better than this one. But this is one I got in my e-mail yesterday anyway.

Sometime Saturday while Secretary of State Colin Powell was at the UN, an
Iraqi television reporter asked him a smart-aleck question and Powell,
without missing a beat, gave the following answer and left him speechless:

Mr. Secretary, isn't it true that only about 13% of all Americans under the
age of 25 know where Iraq is on a map? "Yes, that's true - but
unfortunately for you - they're all Marines."

:beammeup: