My mom wants to stick me in some pants!! [Archive]

hisdaughter22

07-11-2004, 10:00 AM

Sisters,

My mom wants to stick me in some pants. LOL...she says that i look better in pants...i think that i look way better in a skirt than in some pants..This morning she called me down and asked me to try on a pair of pants..she says they look good and i couldn't wait to get out of them..i don't want to wear pants..lol..

First of all my mom is a pentecostal hata...She doesn't like our lifestyle and how we carry ourselves,,,specifically our dress. She says I look like a old granny with my long skirts on...I don't know how since I get my skirts from the misses and juniors section.

I can admit I don't know how to dress...lol..never really been up on the fashion tip...would like to though...i feel i can look fashionable minus a pair of pants...

I guess what i can't bear is the constant pressure and fun-making from my mother and my pants wearing female family members.

Any advice ladies??

be blessed
sis sherry

tufluv

07-11-2004, 10:43 AM

Hold your head up..and high!
Sticking to YOUR convictions, is probably what makes 'em madder. Are you a minor, still at home? Disclaimer: I can't definitively advise to go against parents, of course; I'm assuming you are adult age.

I admire your tenacity, and decision to keep the standards of holiness that speaks volumes about our love for the LORD first! HE is a jealous GOD, remember. We are not to look up to anyone else, nor follow anyone else., only HIS leading. HE is pleased by our obedience and loyalty towards HIM. I sometimes get some flack from my parents and brothers as well as to my decision for holiness standards especially my long hair..but oh well - this is not their "so great a salvation" to live out. They haven't a clue as to the REAL GOD that we serve! :yeah:

Mothers, brothers, sisters (carnal) who do NOT know this KING of Kings, LORD of Lords, have only themselves and other peers to follow.

NOT you!!

ddc101

07-11-2004, 08:44 PM

Sister I remember the comments when I was accused of being an OLD LADY by relatives.I would rather resemble any kind of lady be it old or not.lv sis.c

itsajagain

07-12-2004, 06:33 AM

I keep you in prayer sis, The joy of the Lord is your strength. Keep in His presence.

My mother is ridiculing me for brainwashing my daughter, for teaching her as you believe. It is beautiful to see...

be blessed

AJ

Naomi

07-12-2004, 07:36 AM

Sherry, You have to obey God, not man.

We are supposed to honour our parents, but not when it violates God.

Even if you are a minor living at home, God should be in control.

You will probably be ridiculed for the way you dress the rest of your life. You just have to remember what's important.

triciascall

07-12-2004, 10:24 AM

Sis. Sherry, Your name says it all. "His Daughter"

You are beautiful because of His love and grace. Remember how much He loves you and how precious you are to Him. (and to all of us)

Keep your head up because you ARE a child of the KING.

Sis. Patricia

misskaylander

07-12-2004, 12:37 PM

ddc101

07-12-2004, 12:59 PM

I do not want this to turn into a standards thread.Remember that.
Sis.His Daughter obey what you feel in the Holy Ghost I don't think it trivial its called conviction.lv sis.c

rapunzelgirl

07-12-2004, 02:12 PM

Thankfully, I've never been in quite your situation, but I do think I have some advice.

1. She may be uncomfortable that you are choosing to live your life to a higher standard. This may make her feel that she is not "good enough." That may explain why she would want to make you wear pants.

2. I have observed many young ladies and older ladies for that matter that are new to this belief and they honestly don't know how to conduct themselves in a skirt. It is often more difficult to function in a skirt than pants. It may be that it will take some practice for you to appear comfortable in a skirt. Practice conducting yourself in a ladylike manner if you don't do this already. There should be some books in your library that could help you with this.

3. I agree with Sis. Patricia. You are a child of the King, and therefore beautiful. I don't know your age, but could you befriend a fashion-conscious girl or lady at your church whose clothes you admire. She may be able to give you some tips. Mothers usually want their daughters to look nice. Show her that you can "dress to the nines" while still standing strong for what you believe. Surely she agrees that a stylish, well-fitting dress is so much nicer looking than blue jeans!

You're in my prayers! I hope nothing I said was out of line! :)

Abigail4476

07-12-2004, 02:20 PM

I think it's immature and a waste of valuable time to ridicule someone for chosing to wear pants or not. There are so many internal heart issues that need to be addressed instead of dressing our outsides while our insides are still not clean. Holiness has always been a way of life and not dress... too many people have it twisted....

My two cents worth....:shrug:I agree; fortunately, no ridiculing going on here that I'm aware of. However, apparently hisdaughter's mother is ridiculing her choice to wear dresses rather than pants.

:nt:
On a side note, you're right. Holiness is a way of life. It includes both inward and outward. Neglect either one, and you're well on your way to being unlike God.

I find it interesting when some folks talk about how holiness is all inward, and then they feel led to note how they've seen Apostolic women wear "slinky" immodest clothing--well, if the outward truly doesn't matter, then slinky and immodest is perfectly fine. :)

If we all dressed our "outside" to match our "inside" we'd be walking around in filthy rags. So unless you intend to walk around in dirty, tattered, ragged clothing, declaring to the world the state of your collective hearts, then I'd say the outside does matter. :tup:

misskaylander

07-12-2004, 03:22 PM

I think it matters only once the inside is clean... if you spruce up the outside of your house, it looks great to those that pass by and comment on it's beauty... but if the inside is rat & roach infested, what difference would it make? When you make the change inwardly, it will reflect outwardly.. maybe not in "people's" timing, but certainly in GOD's.....

I agree; fortunately, no ridiculing going on here that I'm aware of. However, apparently hisdaughter's mother is ridiculing her choice to wear dresses rather than pants.

:nt:
On a side note, you're right. Holiness is a way of life. It includes both inward and outward. Neglect either one, and you're well on your way to being unlike God.

I find it interesting when some folks talk about how holiness is all inward, and then they feel led to note how they've seen Apostolic women wear "slinky" immodest clothing--well, if the outward truly doesn't matter, then slinky and immodest is perfectly fine. :)

If we all dressed our "outside" to match our "inside" we'd be walking around in filthy rags. So unless you intend to walk around in dirty, tattered, ragged clothing, declaring to the world the state of your collective hearts, then I'd say the outside does matter. :tup:

ddc101

07-12-2004, 05:51 PM

I say dress modestly.That old argument about the inside being most important is a dead cat.Both are important.We need to clean out our spiritual closets on a daily basis.If all the ladies in church dressed according to the condition of their heart we would have alot of jezabels going around from time to time.
Or hey how about the big T-Shirt,blue jean skirt,unbrushed hair,flip flop look.Because some days when we aren't feeling our best we would be dressed this way.Or how about just going about the day in a robe and slippers?
We have to keep doing whats right even if we don't feel like it and eventually things will even themselves out.That would be like saying don't go to church unless you feel like it.Hey we are the temple of the Holy Ghost.Dress like you are.The only part the world sees is the outside part.
Oh don't get me wrong a bad attitude is still a bad attitude but does it have to come in an ugly package.....??????? btw I like dressing nice.I own several nice things to wear.My husband who thinks he only needs three pairs of shoes calls me Imelda.But hey would he be still looking this way if I dressed like suzie grunge daily? Not.lv sis.c

hisdaughter22

07-12-2004, 07:48 PM

preachnsister

07-12-2004, 10:17 PM

I think it matters only once the inside is clean... if you spruce up the outside of your house, it looks great to those that pass by and comment on it's beauty... but if the inside is rat & roach infested, what difference would it make? When you make the change inwardly, it will reflect outwardly.. maybe not in "people's" timing, but certainly in GOD's.....Miss Kay,
I see your point. God has been dealing with me on a message about true holiness and false holiness. The Pharisees made a big deal about cleaning the inside of the cup but they did not take the time to clean up the inside. Jesus said they were whitened sepulchers full of dead mens bones. Too often we get the outside right but the inside is still rotten and it is a stench in the nostrils of God. We have the form of godliness, but we deny the power thereof. We need to let God change the inside also. By staying in that mess we deny the very power that can change our lives.

Abigail4476

07-13-2004, 01:41 AM

tufluv

07-13-2004, 10:17 AM

Abigail4476:
it is taught by many as being the largest part of holiness, when in fact it is the smallest and easiest part.
Well I'm glad where I'm at, it is not necessarily taught so much as it is exemplified by the older women teaching the younger women, as bibilically ordered. The pastors I've known barely touch on it..if at all, I can't remember any MAN ever talking to us sisters about it. Older sisters, pastors wives, yes ..but its never been 'hammered' into us.

The preference being to let other older sisters be an example, andto let GOD lead the new convert into that conviction of dressing differently, modestly...a more holier attitude projecting into mode of dress..and of course, behavior. Its a process, for many., and truly there are some that never fully "get it" and/or display a spirit of rebelliousness..eventually leaving altogether.

It must be too difficult for some to give up independent "do it MY way or the highway" attitudes., that the "world" creates especially in women. Many have been like that a whole lifetime and it can be a challenge to get them to change., but only GOD can do that like only HE can! ;)

Fortuneately for myself, it was an easy transition, evn though I had been one of the most rebellious types all my life.
It all boils down to whether or not one truly loves GOD above everything and everyone., and allow HIM to work on the inside helping us to realize that we should be holy as HE is..so that it eventually projects to the outside.

preachnsister

07-13-2004, 06:17 PM

Abigail4476:

Well I'm glad where I'm at, it is not necessarily taught so much as it is exemplified by the older women teaching the younger women, as bibilically ordered. The pastors I've known barely touch on it..if at all, I can't remember any MAN ever talking to us sisters about it. Older sisters, pastors wives, yes ..but its never been 'hammered' into us.

The preference being to let other older sisters be an example, andto let GOD lead the new convert into that conviction of dressing differently, modestly...a more holier attitude projecting into mode of dress..and of course, behavior. Its a process, for many., and truly there are some that never fully "get it" and/or display a spirit of rebelliousness..eventually leaving altogether.

It must be too difficult for some to give up independent "do it MY way or the highway" attitudes., that the "world" creates especially in women. Many have been like that a whole lifetime and it can be a challenge to get them to change., but only GOD can do that like only HE can! ;)

Fortuneately for myself, it was an easy transition, evn though I had been one of the most rebellious types all my life.
It all boils down to whether or not one truly loves GOD above everything and everyone., and allow HIM to work on the inside helping us to realize that we should be holy as HE is..so that it eventually projects to the outside.
Tufluv,
I too feel like it is best to let the young learn from the old. I have many times watched the elders in our church and have learned from their lives and testimonies. I desire to grow even more in the knowledge of God, it seems like there is always more to learn.
I remember one time when I was a teenager, I had on a button down shirt, which I had left the top 1 or 2 buttons undone. I did not realize that I was indecent. I was at the altar praying for some other young folks when an older sister (who has since gone home to be with the Lord) bent down and buttoned up my shirt for me. Let me say since then I have learned to button up my shirts and I do the bendover check before I leave the house. That sister taught me to make sure I was decent in what I wore. I never got angry with her but I respected that sister and was glad that she cared enough about me to teach me.

luvmyfamily

07-17-2004, 12:18 AM

I am glad this thread is here. I am a 25 year old mother with 4 girls to dress modestly, consistently. As they grow older, it is soooo hard to find them decent clothes to wear. Anyway, we have been staying with my parents for the summer, and I get the same flack as the young lady who started this thread. For instance the other day, I was wearing a brand-new, long, breezy dress from Wal-Mart that just felt sooo good to wear. I went outside ( it was a very hot day outside with over 100* heat index) and my dad comments, How can you wear that, you look so hot in that thing! I said, no, I am actually very nice and cool in it. It is great. He said, well it's making ME hot just looking at you. Those statements underminded my desire to dress like a woman. Mind you, my dad is a PASTOR of a BRETHREN church (similar to Mennonite in ideaology). To him and my mom, what matters is that the inside is clean, and what you wear outside should not matter. Well to a degree I agree with him. But he and my mom thinks it is more of a display to wear dresses and skirts (you know, the whole holier than thou bad attitude) than it is a holiness matter. Well I can't judge tham for what they think. All I can do is stand up for what I believe in even if they do not like it (but boy, is that hard when it is your PARENTS!).

On a side note, my older daughter, who is considered a "tween" (because she is 11 turning 12) is very hard to dress. She is very active and feels better in pants and shorts (she did not grow up in dresses except for school). I have an unbelievably hard time finding appropriate things for her to wear. I don't want to dress her too old, and at the same time I don't want to dress her too little girly. I do a lot of sewing, and she is too large for the size 14 patterns (she has quite a chest on her).And they are still pretty girly. But most of the teen stuff is still too big for her and DEFINITELY not modest. So what do 11-15 year old holiness girls wear without being too little girly or too old-lady?

You know I was thinking, as I said she is a very active girl. And I think that maybe one way to tame her down (it is a long story) would be to put her in dresses and skirts most of the time (except gym time) so that she would be restricted. There are just many things (boy-ish) that a girl simply cannot do in a skirt. I myself still wear jeans occasionally (once or twice a week), but most of the time I am in my skirts. So am I right in thinking this may help to tame her down? Or will she despise me for donating her beloved jeans and short shorts to consignments? Her parents have changed for the better; should I push the issue and say "you are wearing dresses and that is that"? Or should I let her continue to wear her pants and shorts (with limitations) until she comes to a desire to dress femininely on her own? I honestly do not think she will come to WANT to wear dresses on a daily basis, and that will not tame her down. I don't know. What do YOU think???

searching

07-17-2004, 01:52 AM

I am a 25 year old mother .......

On a side note, my older daughter, who is considered a "tween" (because she is 11 turning 12) .....

Ok, I know it's none of my biz, but I just HAVE to know.....LOL!

Me...

ddc101

07-17-2004, 01:53 AM

I don't know sister.I want to ask if you ever asked your pastor about it?
I personally felt a strong conviction to wear dresses and gave all my jeans away.I felt since I am convicted about it I just as soon obey that conviction.
Also I dress my daughters in skirts or pants.For the rough play my youngest has skirts with shorts attatched underneath of some sort of jersey material.This is new for this summer.They are like right at the knee length.She wears matching pull over shirts.I buy her summer colors like
aqua,lavender,lime,hot pink etc. and she wears sandals.I am not out to make her hate being a christian but still I am not out to giving her the option either.I want to train her in a ladylike manner.I grew up climbing trees and riding horseback but still I learned to cook gourmet food and sew.I think it depends on the talents of the child.
btw I know for a fact that a lady can stand on a buckboard and drive a horse or mule with a plow through a field in a dress.My friend from Mass. was on her way down and spent the night in Amish country and viewed this very same thing.She told me....Dana ....a woman can do anything in a dress because I think I have seen the challenge.lv sis.c

luvmyfamily

07-17-2004, 02:35 AM

What I mean by restricted I guess is that, yes, a woman can pretty much do anything in a dress, BUT there are somethings that would just not be so ladylike and quite indecent if she DID do them in a dress. Do you run quite so fast and boy-ish in a long dress? No. Do you usually do backflips in a dress? No.

What I am getting at is that typically, when girls are wearing dresses, they tend not to do the types of things boys do. Are there very many tomboys wearing dresses? I would say they are few. Girls in dresses can still be playful and active, but in more GIRL ways, and not BOY ways.

I guess to get my point you would have to know my older daughter, lol.
She is adopted from out of the country. She grew up with a whole bunch of boys in an orphanage. Had to learn boy-ish behaviour to survive. Had to be very active, assertive, and bossy and loud to keep those boys under her control. Had to protect herself from the "bad boys". She has joined a family with three little girls ages 5 and under who are very gentle souls. They are not used to rough and tumble behaviour. You see my problem and why I am trying to tame her? Actually we are trying to find a good balance. tame her a bit, and roughen up the other girls a bit. Somehow, it doesn't seem to be working.

I know I have kind of got off topic and I am sorry.

ddc101

07-17-2004, 12:42 PM

luvmyfamily

07-17-2004, 06:11 PM

Sister I am so glad for you to have adopted this little girl and really love and care about every area of her life.Her nerves probably are on edge from all that scary life stuff.Children are wonderful.Begin to annoint her bed at night and take special time to kneel at her bed and pray together.Does she have the Holy Ghost yet? lv sis.c
Thank you very much. We love her tremendously and she is a light in our lives. But, oh man, is she a piece of work!

She does not have the Holy Ghost yet; she is only starting to learn just who Jesus is and what He is about. There is a language barrier here, which makes it difficult to talk about Jesus except in the VERY simplest of words (let alone talk about the so many aspects of the Godhead). To her, Eesa (Jesus) is Eesa. ANd she likes Him. She doesn't understand about Him being the Son of God (what is this, God? she asks). She is starting to open up more, desiring a little bit here and there to know what we are talking about. Jesus is knocking at her door, but somebody has to teach her how to open it; and how to unlock the secret door to her heart.

NanaRenan

07-17-2004, 11:21 PM

So what do 11-15 year old holiness girls wear without being too little girly or too old-lady?

My "baby" turned 15 this Monday past.

Her "uniform" is a knee-length or longer jean or khaki skirt (Mervyn's, JCPenney and Kohl's have been our best bet of late.) a fun tee-shirt (not tight enough to form that "dimple" across her chest) and a Jean-style jacket or a button up shirt thrown over that.

Flip-flops in the summer and Doc Marten-style "clunkers" in cold weather.

"Church clothes" are a bigger challenge. Since I find the above-mentioned wardrobe too casual for weekend worship in the House of God (not to start any debates, just my personal preferences) it's a real challenge. Everything seems designed for girls headed out to night clubs or middle-aged career women. Finding a happy medium is HARD, HARD, HARD.

Bean and I have left the mall in tears WAY MORE OFTEN than we've left carrying purchase. In fact, I can freely state that we have BOTH felt spiritually oppressed just going into malls trying to find anything worth buying!

Our next big homeschooling project if for me to teach her to sew for herself.

Sister Sherry -- hang in there. Follow your convictions -- but also try to understand your mom. I have a daughter who's your age. The hardest part of letting a child grow up is admitting that they have a mind of their own and you are not privileged to read it or competent to predict how they will act. It's easier for some mothers than others. My mother was offended if I bought a different brand of laundry detergent than what she used!!! :) IKYN!

Somehow, when a daughter goes perpendicular to what mom does it feels like rejection or rebellion. Since your choice of wardrobe is connected to your spirituality -- it's an even stronger statement of disagreement. (much stronger than Cheer versus Tide!):laugh: --and may even make her feel "judged" in comparison, whether you feel that way or not. And that may be nothing more than the convicting spirit of God working on her.

Wear what you feel is pleasing to God. Bear the mocking of her and the other women of your family as graciously as you can -- it is nothing compared to what Christ endured in the flesh. And know that they're watching you and you may be leading them into the fullness of Truth. Most of all -- pray and fast, Girl -- pray and fast.

ddc101

07-17-2004, 11:43 PM

Amen Pray and Fast.
Sister Luv,
What country did you say your daughter was from? lv sis.c

luvmyfamily

07-21-2004, 05:47 PM

Amen Pray and Fast.
Sister Luv,
What country did you say your daughter was from? lv sis.c
I did not say. But she is from Kazakhstan. lol do you have ANY idea where that is? A little geography lesson...look on a globe. It is really quite a fascinating country, culturally.

Well I was finally able to find something decent for her to wear. I had to go online to French Toast to find them, but I feel it was worth it. French Toast now has several long skirts (man was I GRATEFUL when they started carrying those!). Prices are actually pretty decent, too. Now I can have some peace about what she wears to school, and be proud, too. She has a good sense of style, and I am thankful that she has NEVER liked skirts that were shorter than the knee. She can dress pretty classy, and feminine.

ddc101

07-21-2004, 06:45 PM

Sister another place to look for inexpensive skirts is Old Navy or Sears.They are farely reasonable.And no I have not heard of that country.Where is it located geographically? lv sis.c

horsenut_knl

09-09-2004, 09:36 AM

Thanks for yall advice...

By the way i am 23, obviously not a minor, ha. I think since i took a stand for my right to dress like i wanna, my mom has gotten the picture. Today she asked me, "u just refuse to wear pants huh??" I said with a big smile on my face "yep."

You know, i've been saved for a year and half now. I'm still trying to adjust to this lifestyle. It's a challenge.

be blessed
sis sherry
I just wanted to encourage you along. I've been reading this site for a couple of months, but I had to register when I saw your comments. :) I'm 24 and I was baptized in the Pentecostal church a year and a half ago, after attending for a year (no Holy Ghost yet, so everyone pray :)). I was brought up very traditional Lutheran, and my parents, mom especially, were convinced I had joined the cult. They still make comments once in awhile, but I just answer positively, and remember I'm doing this for myself and God. Thankfully, I have plenty of friends around me to encourage me in my walk. Still pretty much a baby in the faith, but I love to learn.

Thankfully His!
Kristin

NanaRenan

09-10-2004, 12:47 AM

And no I have not heard of that country.Where is it located geographically? lv sis.c
Kazakhstan was one of the states of the old U.S.S.R.

It's sandwiched between Russian to the North and West, China on the East/South East and Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan and Kyrgyzstan march across it's Southern border.

<I love geography.>

NanaRenan

09-10-2004, 12:48 AM

Welcome, Kristen!

I just wanted to encourage you along. I've been reading this site for a couple of months, but I had to register when I saw your comments. :) I'm 24 and I was baptized in the Pentecostal church a year and a half ago, after attending for a year (no Holy Ghost yet, so everyone pray :)). I was brought up very traditional Lutheran, and my parents, mom especially, were convinced I had joined the cult. They still make comments once in awhile, but I just answer positively, and remember I'm doing this for myself and God. Thankfully, I have plenty of friends around me to encourage me in my walk. Still pretty much a baby in the faith, but I love to learn.

Thankfully His!
Kristin

4everwithJesus

09-10-2004, 06:03 PM

I just wanted to encourage you along. I've been reading this site for a couple of months, but I had to register when I saw your comments. :) I'm 24 and I was baptized in the Pentecostal church a year and a half ago, after attending for a year (no Holy Ghost yet, so everyone pray :)). I was brought up very traditional Lutheran, and my parents, mom especially, were convinced I had joined the cult. They still make comments once in awhile, but I just answer positively, and remember I'm doing this for myself and God. Thankfully, I have plenty of friends around me to encourage me in my walk. Still pretty much a baby in the faith, but I love to learn.

Thankfully His!
Kristin
Kristin- I was 21 when I was baptized with the Holy Ghost- I had been living on my own for three years already...finished two years of collage...was a party animal....worked in the big city....

Well-I called up the folks--they thought I was nuts...thought that Pentecostals handle snakes, I was in a cult, yada yada....but when I saw them I SHOWED them the Word of God and they had no arguement!! They have no problem with me and church now..they have gone liberal and think that churches on the whole are bad...another story...but they have seen there is no trinity and they have been at all of my babies dedications and were even ther when my boys got the Holy Ghost and were baptized in Jesus Name!!

I pray they come around....but it is their choice...I can not make them serve God any more than they can talk me out of serving God....

God bless you Kristin and post some more!!