Parenting successfully

[Joan]

I have 3 children ages 10 and under. My husband and I have only been "saved" for about 10 years. Catholic is our background. We came into this Truth with a love for holiness and a desparate need to know more and walk in the light we know so that's where we're at now. In other words, my sleeves may not be as long as yours . . . yet. Anyway, I see the teenagers at church who are the children of "saved" parents and these young people have hormones amuck and who can blame them with all those girls running around (at church) in spandex? This concerns me cuz I am entering that age with my oldest child (boy). I hear an awful lot that these young people that are so immodestly dressed were raised in church and the reason for their wordliness is because the parents were so strict on holiness and followed right behind them nudging them every step of the way. Because of the day we live in do we have to allow our kids to be as much like worldly kids as they can be without quite leaving church altogether for the purpose of keeping them in church long enough to hopefully become "in church" all the way when they get out of the teen years???

I understand all about using wisdom when training children. I at least understand there has to be wisdom while doing this job. It's just that sometimes I get the impression that people are saying that the wisdom needed is letting our kids come close to being involved in the things of this world while they're teens. Do we really have to? From experience being a regular teen was more painful than it had to be.

If we put the real effort into our kids in training them Biblically and teaching them to say no to ungodliness (which is what Jesus expects us to do) is there no expectation that they will live for God even as teenagers? Am I naive? Does this guarantee rebellion in our children?

There is so much available to us Americans to get involved in and partake of but should we? Are our sights (meaning us people of God) on our future home with Jesus and the great commission or is it partly on getting out of this life all we can while still going to church?

I ask sincerely.

[foreverblessed]

Sis. Joan,

I don't claim to be an expert by a long shot, but I will share with you some things that I have experienced. My children are ages 10 1/2, 11 1/2, and 13. they are all girls.

When my girls were under the age of 8, I didn't see much pull from the world on them. They are being raised in church and had been since they were born. They were all filled with the Holy Ghost and baptized young.

As they hit preteen ages, and made friendships with people at school, I saw a significant change. They wanted to be like everyone else they went to school with. They all began to question our beliefs and what we stood for as in standards among other things. There has been times I have felt very torn. I don't want them to hate church, but also don't want them to be carnal and caught up in the things of the world. I haven't always done the right thing.

I have battled many things with them, from pants to jewelry. I have tried letting up, and letting them do things. For example, about six months ago, for some reason, nail polish became their "thing". We couldn't go into Walmart without them coming up wanting me to buy some. I decided to try something. I said that OK, I was going to allow some polish, but I also told them it had to be pale in color. I let them buy several bottles of it, and nail polish remover. They were happy with that. For about two weeks, they nail polished everything that could be polished. I am surprised they didn't pass out from breathing the nail polish remover. I am sure that there were people that didn't agree with what I did, my family included. I just acted like I didn't know what they were doing, and ignored comments and stares. Within two weeks, they had ditched the nail polish. I haven't seen any nail polish since. I figured Nail Polish was a small battle. I was saving my strength for the big battles.

One thing that I consider a big battle, is one that you mentioned in your post. Tight clothing on our Christian girls. I am a firm believer in modesty. I have many convictions in this area, but I was unsure on how my kids would be sensitive in this.

I have a 13 year old built like an 18 year old. She wanted to wear everything skin tight. She liked wearing her younger sisters clothing, making excuses that everything of hers was dirty, or something, and she just HAD to wear their tops. I had a battle on my hands for a while. I still face it, but it is winding down I hope :). I finally just had to sit her down and talk to her plain about the visual stimulation of a man, and the motive behind everything she wears. I continue to have talks with her often. I correct her way of sitting and actions everyday, teaching her the proper way. I am sure that at some point it will all sink in! To me, this modesty in dress issue, is linked very closely to sexual purity.

Several months ago, I became concerned with the fact that although my children went to church with me, and looked like christians, they didn't have the personal relationship that I had with God. My children from time to time would pray through in church, children's revival, or camp. I wanted to see more than knowing that they spoke in tongues and had a good time every so often, I wanted to see a change in their personal life from day to day. I realized if I didn't reach them now, especially with what is going on in their life right now, they were not going to make it through their teen years. I became fearful I was going to lose them to the world.

First thing I did was renew my own walk with God, pouring out my heart to him in prayer. I committed to being faithful like never before, and in the prayer room 45 min before church. For the family that has been nicknamed the TardyTaylors, this was a big hurdle. This was just over two months ago. I felt if I would sacrifice of my time and effort and allow God to work in my life, he would take care of my children. I have prayed faithfully for God to give my girls a relationship with him.

It is amazing what a consistant prayer life, and praying before church service will do for you. I gradually began moving closer and closer to the front of the church. My worship became more demonstrative. I came out of the prayer room ready to have church and it didn't take the song service to get me primed! :)

It was catching, it started with my oldest. She began going to the prayer room with me, sometimes just to sit and listen, but soon she began to pray herself. It wasn't long her sisters joined her.
It was my oldest that several weeks ago, while I was dancing in the altar area of the church, I felt a hang grab mine, and I became aware of someone dancing beside me. We danced in the spirit together for about 45 min that night, she had tears streaming down her face speaking in tongues the whole time. I was told later that my middle daughter was dancing too. With every service, I see a desire to worship like I have never before.

I have seen changes for the better in their lives. I have heard their voices before bed as they knelt to pray before sleeping.

I watched as my oldest has stopped and asked several people to church in the last week. I heard her ask a young man at the Jr. High to church, and even stood with dignity as she was scoffed by others for asking him. It hasn't deterred her much, we were in applebees before church tonight, and she was witnessing to the waitress and inviting her to our church, telling her we were having a good time there! :). I am so thankful that they got the boldness of their father's personality.

Last Sunday night in church, I spent most of my time dancing before the Lord with tears of gratitude pouring down my face. I have had joy like never before this week. All three of my girls were lined up on the front row Sunday night, worshipping, dancing in the spirit, leaping for joy. Tears flowed down their faces as they rejoiced in the power of the Holy Ghost. The best part, they were not alone Sunday night, they had brought friends from school to church. One of the school friends had received the HG in a prior service. They are excited about going to church. Tonight, I joined them on the front row, they call every seat behind the first, the cheap seats!:)

About three weeks ago, we had a visiting minister. My youngest had her hands raised and was praying beside me in church that night, when he came down off the pulpit and prayed with her. He asked if I was her mother, I told him I was, he said God just spoke to me and I saw a vision of your daughter teaching bible studies to young girls her age. God is going to use her to win her friends to church. I just kinda thought to myself, well you got the wrong daughter, this one is the carnal one of the bunch. Later in his message told the congregation of the vision that God had given him of her. I have to be honest, I doubted it, until this past week. She was praying and she told me a burden for the lost came over her, she just couldn't stop crying. She said it was such a funny feeling, I can't stop it. I explained to the best of my knowledge what a burden was. The little girl who received the HG, is in her class at school.

It all just boils down to kids and teens just having a relationship with God. If they have the relationship, then I believe they are going to make it. If the relationship is there, you won't hear griping about standards or rules and regulations. This is something I heard gripes about constantly, and I haven't heard anything for a while.

I believe I have finally found the answer, I am going to continue down the path that we have started. I am trusting God to keep my children.

Sorry for being so long in my posting. I am just so excited about what God has done for me and my children recently. I believe great things are going to happen.

[Apostolic Kitty]

Don't apologize for that post, Sis. Forever! IT was AWSOME!!

[Joan]

Wow, that sounds really great. This is the testimony that sticking to doing the right thing is the right thing to do. I can see your point in the nail polish thing. I'm not sure I would do it but I have done some things sorta like that. Ya know those happy meals toys are so demonic looking. My daughter (5) tells me how bad they are and asks if she should throw them away. I ask her why she would ask that? She says because it's devil stuff. Then I simply say, well what do you think you should do? Sometimes it takes her a while to pitch it but she always does.


Anyone else out there???

[foreverblessed]

Joan,

I am not sure that the nail polish thing was the way to handle it either, all I know is that the quickly lost interest in the nail polish. Sometimes the fixation with some things is not being able to do it.

I like your way of handleing the toys from the meals. I recently told my 13 year old, that I wasn't going to argue over whether a book was appropriate or not for a christian to read. I informed her that she had the HG, and she needed to learn to listen to it. It took her a while, but she soon returned a book to the library.

I think that it is a good idea to place some of the responsibility in their hands. It is probably the only way they are going to be able to grow.

[Joan]

I want to be a mother with wisdom. I desire so much to do my part to lead my children into the perfect will of God. Don't we all? I'm worried that I am going to just plain blow it.

[survivor4christ]

I, too, have much to learn.

But in another thread, I advised that one, we not allow the opinions of others to color how we raise our children. What we allow, what we do not allow, that is no one else's business.

I agree with Sis. Forever that we must remain close to the hem of the Lord if our children are to have a relationship with God. I notice with my kids they kinda go through spurts. Spurts of hungering after the things of God, seeking the Lord, reading their Word, praying. Then there are times when they are just not interested. I make them go to church, and they enjoy it and retain what they have learned. But they do not apply it too well, so I have to remind them of what they already learned.

My kids do not have the HG, but I do believe they will receive it in due time....when they get hungry enough. As their mother, I thought they my praise, my worship, my relationship with God would affect the level of their intensity for the things of God. This is true sometimes, then sometimes it is not. I know that now this is so (they are sorta on a downside spiritually) b/c there is an all out attack on my family. But I keep praying and claiming the promises of God over my children and know we are more than conquerors.

For example, my oldest told me a few years back he wanted to be a prophet. I asked him if he was sure b/c prophets go through hell, he said yes. Since he said that, the enemy has fought him in school relentlessly. To the point that he was almost expelled for a fight he had. After a slew of meetings and evaluations and what not, I decided to take him out of his school and place in him in another b/c the Lord showed me a demonic stronghold that is over that particular school. This was the reason my kids were so unhappy there. Got into so much trouble there; never had behavior problems at that level anywhere else...but b/c it was a magnet school I was deceived into thinking they were getting a better quality education.

Now, the parents of the boy who my son beat up filed a complaint with the Police Dept. and I and my son must appear in juvenile court on Monday. The accuser of the brethren is a liar!!! My son deeply regrets what happened, apologized, was suspended and is now in counseling (per request of the police dept and the courts). I am not happy about it, but I pray and claim the promises of God over them. That devil will NOT have my kids! The same Spirit that dwells in me shall be in my children, my children's children and my great grandchildren henceforth now and forever more, in the name of Jesus!

So, I do not have all the answers, I just know Jesus is indeed the answer. It is my conviction that no matter what the circumstance, successful parenting is possible-through Christ, we can do all things through Jesus Christ who loves us and our children!

I am sharing this with you sort of as a preamble, to a praise report. B/c I totally claim the victory over this situation, in the name of Jesus! That devil is a liar! He cannot have my children, my home...no they belong to God. After much prayer and soul searcing, I have determined that GOd is allowing us to go through this for HIS Glory! I thought, why doesn't God deliver us out of this situation? This doesn't look good for me who claims to be a saint having issues like thes involved in my family...My kids are supposed to be running around the church prophesying, speaking in tongues, laying hands on folks....but it seems that the opposite is true....But that is a smokescreen to what God is really up to. All my children shall be taught of the Lord, and great shall be the peace of my children! My children will live for God and be on fire for God. The story ain't finished yet, devil! We are going through now but we have the victory! My sons and daughter will prophesy and speak with new tongues, they will lay hands on folks and they will recover, they will cast out devils, if someone tries to poison them (God forbid) they will just shake it off in the name of Jesus!

Halleluyah!

So I am sharing this with you to let you know that God can help us be successful parents, no matter what the case. Jesus saves....from the guttermost to the uttermost!

Thank you Lord, for the victory!

Love, Sis. Wenona

[ddc101]

Wow Forever,
That is a wonderful testimony.How awesome especially considering what your children have recently been through.
The devil has left the premises....amen...sis.c

[foreverblessed]

Amen!!

[Joan]

Sis Surv, I noticed you are in E. Hartford. I grew up in Enfield. I now live very far away in the mid-south but I grew up nearby. I wasn't in church growing up though. I didn't get born-again til I moved far away.

[survivor4christ]

Small World, Sis. Joan!

I am originally from Louisiana. Are you near there?

Love, Sis. Wenona

[Joan]

Sis Surv. I'm on the border. Actually, real close to Memphis.

[Joan]

Oops, meant to say on the border of Miss and Arkansas.

[BurningforJesus]

I want to thank Sist Forever for that testimony. I will be taking a copy to Daughters of Zion next month and to the ladies prayer meeting next week.
Things are happening in my family. I have started reading a book called Bounaries. Has any one heard of it? I only wish I had known about it when my two younger children were a bit younger. No time like the present in getting some of the principles goig. Some I have been doing, but at the moment I am thinking what have I done to make my oldest like she is. Rebellios, self distructive, and willing to leave home at just sixteen. I stand firm on beleiving that my children will be saved, in the name of Jesus!! All of them.
I want to share a victory I had just today with my 12 yr old girl. She was home sick while I went to the playgroup at church. Her Dad was in bed after night shift so not really alone. I came home and she came out to meet me...in track pants and top. Now I had got these for a camp she went to last year where they were going to be climbing rocks and doing alsorts of 'unlady like' things they do at school camps. I had told her I wasn't happy about it but her dad had said get them so get them I did. Any way she was wearing them today. As I made lunch I casually asked her why a HG filled girl would be wearing those things and what did the bible say about pants? She told me. And I said to her well, I hope Jesus recognises you when he comes. Cos He is coming soon and we don't know the hour or day but He's a coming soon!!! In a loving tone I said some one who loves the Lord with all their heart and all the mind strength and Soul should be wanting to please Him from the heart and not just follow a set of rules to please the ole' mumma here. I never growled or condemned it was just a gentle statement. I continued with lunch and the next thing I knew she was sitting down having a bit to eat in a denium skirt and quite happy about it too.
Praise the Lord!!!! I understand what you mean with our children having highs and lows in their spiritual walk, we do too, don't we? It is sometimes harder to walk close than at other times. I find that, but lately I have been looking at my walk and not happy with it and determine to spend more time with my Saviour, study and praying and fa...fa...fasting. I believe Jesus is going to great things in my families lives. He has already started in my Mum and my brother...but that is another testimony.
I had a scripture jump out at me this morning it was in Psalm 139: first part of verse 7 and verse 8: let me type it out to you: "though I walk in the midst of trouble, thou wilt revive me....verse 8 : The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me: thy mercy, O Lord, endureth for ever: forsake not the works of thine own hands." Maybe someone else needs a reminder today of that promise. He finishes the work He started. Praise my Jesus. He is so good to us. He will never leave us nor forsake us..
Burning.

[Joan]

Sis Burning,

I have read Boundaries, Boundaries with Kids, and Boundaries in Marriage. Oh my word. They are such good books. Cloud and Townsend have some other books too called Changes that Heal and False Assumptions. Those are really good too.

[BurningforJesus]

Thanx, Sis Joan, I will look out for them. those first two books have helped me alot. I am putting them into practice.
Will come back soon. I am really enjoying these lady's discussions heaps and get lots out of them. God is so good!!
I have an appointment with the King of Kings. See you later.
Burning.
Lookup!! Your Redeemer draws near.

[Marrayjor]

This is a great post, I have been really burdened for my daughters ages 12 & 9. my oldest daughter has the Holy Ghost and she is very sincere when she prays, but like Forever said regarding her daughters , she doesnt have a personal relationship with God, same thing for my youngest daughter. We say our devotions at night and we do pray, but I know we need to go deeper into the word. I have renewed my walk with God too, I have been stopping by the church after work and praying for about 30 mintues before i pick up my kids, and i have been reading my bible more and fasting. I do feel myself drawing closer and i want to see my daughters draw closer to God. Forever's post really gave me encouragement to continue what i am doing, I know God answers prayer :)

[ddc101]

Sister if you live for Jesus and model the example in front of them
they will come to him also.lv sis.c

[Blest]

Forever said: It all just boils down to kids and teens just having a relationship with God. If they have the relationship, then I believe they are going to make it.

ddc said: if you live for Jesus and model the example in front of them

Couldn't agree more with both statements.

We have been blessed with great role models and mentors in our church and particularly, with our Youth Leaders. As a result of their Godly example, our Youth group is dynamic, on fire for Jesus, and the kids watch out for each other. They have made the difference in a number of young people's lives, my two sons included.

As a parent raising our kids in the church without the backing of my spouse, here are a couple of things I did that seemed to work:

Driving to and from church (about 20 min. each way), we often discussed God, the message that was preached, and always talked positive about the pastors and leaders. The boys learned to respect them and have a reverence for God.

Missing a church service was very rare, and always a painful, difficult choice to make. They were taught that it is IMPORTANT to be in church, every service.

We only listened to Christian music and when they were younger, the Children's Christian characters (Psalty, & Music Machine, the FOF Odyssey series all taught great lessons and were fun to listen to).

Also, listening to Focus on the Family has been beneficial in child rearing.

And of course I pray from them daily. God has been so good to me and my family, I cannot tell it all! I am so very, very blessed.

He has made the biggest difference of all - just in Him being Who He Is!

God Bless
Blest

[Marrayjor]

Ok, sisters, i need some adivce. I have a 9 year old daughter that just told me last night her class is going to have a end of year feild trip to the public pool, and she wants to go. I dont have a problem with her going to the pool, but i do have a problem with her wearing her bathing suit w/o a shirt over her. She doesnt want to wear the shirt over, so i told her that is the only way she is going to go. She got very upset and started in on the 'guilt trip' "i dont know what it is like, her friends will make fun" I am trying to stand my ground on modesty, but i guess i just want to hear from other sides, anyone else gone through this, and adivce.
another note:
My daughters go see their dad during the summer months in Illinois and he gets them passes to the pool and they spend most of their time there. He is a backslider so he doesnt mind if they are not dressed modestly.

[ddc101]

Sister,
Keep a hold of your convictions.There is a good book available from Pentecostal Publishing House by Bro.Larry Booker on this subject.He talks about fences and how important they are.You have to maintain your personal convictions with your children.Especially being the mother and in church.The mother has the most influence over a child.If the mother has no
morals the children are really going to have a difficult time
with self discipline.Don't flinch with your decision.As far as public pools are concerned I am a nurse and my children aren't going to public pools convictions or not due to the increased risk of contageous diseases.And HIV is not top on the list but Hepatitis B is.Kids dig in their noses,urinate in the water etc.I know they use chlorine but whos to say that your child won't pick something up.
There are also funguses that survive in water.No way.
But as far as modesty goes are there going to be only girls there?
We don't do mixed swimming with the opposite sex and its not my girls I worry about its the boys out there.I grew up a sinner and what goes on between many of the preteen and teen girls and boys at public pools is unreal.
Heres the other thing about swimming in chlorinated water.Everything in your bath water,pool water etc is absorbed into your body.The skin is a great medium for absorption.Many medications are put on the skin that need to be absorbed by someones system.Consider all the chemicals in a public pool and what a high level of chlorine that needs to go into it to disinfect it?
Do you really want that circulating in the blood stream and liver of your little girl? Its ultimately your choice but I thought I would give you some things to consider.lv sis.c

[foreverblessed]

Utimately that decision will have to be yours to make, stand by your convictions.

I was raised swimming in public, I know that is unusual for Apostolics. We were just taught the importance of modesty.

I require my girls to wear a T-shirt in mixed company.

[Marrayjor]

Yesterday my daughter came home from school and said she had decided to wear a t-shirt to the pool. I guess there are a lot of other girls that are going to do the same thing, so this doesnt really solve the issue. I had been thinking of maybe taking the day off and taking her to the beach on that day and having a girls day ( i know this doesnt solve it either, more like avoiding it) I also have a friend that has a pool and i was thinking of calling her up and seeing if my daughter could spend the day with her and her daughter. I think ultimately i am going to make my stand, she is not going to the public pool. Thanks Sis C for the information on the sanitary of the pools, i didnt know that either.
God bless
:)

[Marie]

Sister Cooper most people don't realize that our skin absorbs like a sponge. I learned the hard way, working with so many cleaning solutions. It is scary to think about what is in those swimming and wading pools!:eek:

[ddc101]

Thanks sisters,
I have been into detoxing lately and reading up on so much stuff like how we can be overcome with heavy metals and chemicals due to enviroment and intake.Not to mention food additives.Hey honestly looking on some of those boxes I cannot even pronounce some of that much less figure out what it is.
Dr.Don Colbert has a book out on Toxins and how to detox.It is at the christian book stores.lv sis.c

[Marrayjor]

I read the other thread about the 'creepy crawlies' that about grossed me out, but then again it made me want to detox. I might check out that book, I dont really eat healthy, but i know it is not fair to my kids if i am not taking care to watch what they eat.

[foreverblessed]

speaking of skin absorbing chemicals.
I spent the day deep cleaning my house several weeks ago, and I was using many different chemicals.
I wear contacts. After I had bathed for the evening, I went to take out my contacts for the night. When my finger touched my eye, it immediately started burning and began to swell. It was horrible, it was so bad that I wasn't able to get up for church the next morning. I couldn't open my eye. The eye was still swollen, and I had to wear my glasses for a few days until it cleared up. I didn't end up going to the doctor, but I know that the chemicals, even after bathing, were still on my hands, and burned my eye.

My brother is getting ready to start a daycare, he said they went through a lot of classes, and one thing they were informed about was using cleaning chemicals, and then touching kids. They were stressing the importance of gloves. They gave detailed information on how your skin absorbs the chemicals, and remain there, even though you wash your hands afterward.

Scary thought huh?

[Marie]

Ya that is pretty scary. I hope your eye is better.
Hey I am getting ready to take some of those classes for Daycare.
I have been working with kids for over 30 yrs and have had daycare in my home off and on for over 20 yrs and now they say I have to take these courses. lol I can understand the first aide and food safe ones. I guess experience doesn't mean anything anymore. :shrug:
Sis Marie

[ddc101]

Hi Marrayjor,
I could not get anyone to respond to the creepy crawlers thread though I tried response was thin.I know its gross but so is keeping them....hahaha sis.c

[Marrayjor]

My sister was into Herbalife for a while and there is a detox cleansing called the 21 day, and I had tried it once, but didnt get the results that that website talked about! ewww. But i have really thought about doing it again, i do believe it is important when you think about all the foods that we eat and chemicals.

[ddc101]

There is a book available at Barnes and Noble called
Fourteen Days to Total Body Cleansing
It has alot of things that you do during the detox.
Also many herb that you make into tea during the detox.
It utililizes fresh fruits and veggies and water and hot soak baths.
Not only that but ways to cleanse each specific organ in your body involved in detox.Just ignore the new age chapter on yoga etc.It is a very small section.The rest if great.lv sis.c