What do "Christian" Guys look for?

[Beth Wills]

There was this guy at my church that i liked alot and he liked me.
Then he left the church for about 2 yrs and during that time I prayed that God would bring him back to church to serve and love him and also to be my spouse.

So he comes back he talks a little to me and I am praising God for sending him back to church and also thanking God that he will be my spouse.

Mean while this new girl starts coming and (She looks good to the eye) and he forgets all about me and follows after her like a puppy dog. So then he starts worshipping and getting deeper in church and she starts talking to him and I am forgotten.

So I then start getting bitter feelings toward him because he lead me on and then I started having bitter feelings toward her because she knew we were talking.

And come to find out his sis-in-law introduced them and that is why he came back to church. Don't i feel like a fool.
So now here it is almost 2 yrs later and they are getting married and I am hurt and betrayed.

I fill betrayed by him because he lead me on....But i also feel betrayed by God. Because I thought he had answered my prayer. Now I am stuggling to stay in church.

So I would like to know "What do "Christian" guys look for in a woman?

Is it the same as the world guys do....The womans Looks or is it something more?"

Also I have prayed for the bitterness to be taking away and when I think it has it comes back again.

I don't like feeling hurt and being betrayed. Nor do i like having bitterness toward my bro and sis in the church.

Pray for me...Thank You

[Abigail4476]

Beth,

God will answer our prayers--when those prayers are in line with His will. Sometimes we think we have everything figured out, and we think we know what God wants for us, and we really don't. That's when we learn to trust God.

God will work everything out.

A mark of Christian maturity is being able to continue to trust God and walk with Him when His answer to our prayer or request is "No."

With that said, it is important to understand that young men and women have a right to date whomever they please, and the young man you were attracted to, and the young lady who he is attracted to haven't done anything wrong by getting to know each other better.

Unless you were exclusively dating him, or engaged to him, then you have no "right" to him.

If he were right for you, then it would work out. God has someone just for you. Be sure that you don't spend so much time wishing for someone who isn't interested that you miss the one God might be waving right under your nose.

[Estrada]

Plus, when you do get married you want to stay married and you want a husband that is going to love you and no one else so it's always best to wait for the one who loves you and only you! Amen! Don't be in a rush divorce rate is high these days and its better to be safe than sorry...really! You want the right one and not anything less! May the Lord help you and comfort you sister

[drummerboy_dave]

Sister, Since you posted this in the Men's section, here's my reply. I've read your post and really feel for you. I hope in time you can release the self centered thinking and be satisfied with what God gives you, and if you can't be happy for these two, then at least not have the hard feelings.

Think about it. God is YOUR God. He died for YOU. He is concerned about YOU. He gives you every breath. He gives you salvation. He will give you a perfect mate, if that is your desire.

In my view, you should be concerned about pleasing God instead of these fellas. I hope you can understand my heart, here. I am a father. Young ladies do not need to be "looking" for a husband. Young men do not need to be "looking" for a wife. What we all need to be doing is making our lives holy and acceptable to God.

Let me add, to a person who is totally saturated with living for God, the most beautiful person is somebody else who is totally saturated with living for God. Live for God! Serve Him with patience, and He will eventually bring someone to you; who loves Him and will treat you right.

[Former PK]

.....
I feel betrayed by him because he lead me on....But i also feel betrayed by God. Because I thought he had answered my prayer. Now I am stuggling to stay in church.

Beth,

Sorry if this sounds hard and cold, but most of this reads like typical high school /college romance. Sorry for the hurt, but you will get over it, if you want to.

The part that I feel warrants a reply it the line about "feeling betrayed by God". Now I have to ask were you praying for a young man to return to church for his salvation if so, you got your answer. If there were other motives, which you indicate there were, hence your dissappointment, God just answered no, still an answer.

It takes a lot of living to begin to understand that somethings make more sense in the long-term that are quite painful in the short-term. The nugget to keep here is if you sincerly believe that God is looking out for you, and has your best interest at heart, what happened was for the long-term good.

And there is a happier ending than you could have planned.

That said, go read Job!!!!


So I would like to know "What do "Christian" guys look for in a woman?

Is it the same as the world guys do....The womans Looks or is it something more?"

I'm not sure that this has any relation to the first question. As a quick pass, I would say much the same things, men are men. I would like to think that Christian men are looking more for long term relations and deeper characteristics. But I would not bet on it.

Also I have prayed for the bitterness to be taking away and when I think it has it comes back again.

I don't like feeling hurt and being betrayed. Nor do i like having bitterness toward my bro and sis in the church.

Pray for me...Thank You


Bitternes, is tied closely to forgiveness. Forgivness is not forgetfullness, it is giving up our desire to return hurt for hurt, turning over to God the authority for revenge.

[dllong]

""So I would like to know "What do "Christian" guys look for in a woman?""


Okay, I avoided posting my response until now.

I am in no way looking for a woman for the purpose of having children. I already have all I need/want. So, in my most shallow, dry voice, "...Yes, I pay more attention to a womans looks first, BEFORE I get to know her." She may have a wonderful heart and a pretty face, but if the truth be known, I am only intrested in ladies that look nice overall. Now how I define "nice" is personal.

Hey, I'm only being truthful!!

Bro. Dave

[ddc101]

Wow this is like being in the mens bathroom....let me out of here quick :tup:

[dllong]

Wow this is like being in the mens bathroom....let me out of here quick :tup:

Okay, I could swear I sensed the aroma of estrogen...is it just me?

[Dale]

"Christian" guys I imagine look for the same thing all other men look for in a girl. They want a husky girl, yet soft, she can be fair or dark, must have sense of humor, not prone to husband beating, will cook up a big meal for you and your budies when you get in from coon huntin, a big girl that'l keep you warm and happy on late nights in the winter, and then change all the diapers on the baby that comes the next fall! Yeah, that's what all real men want, whether they know it or not. :)

[WantToBeProv31]

Sister, Since you posted this in the Men's section, here's my reply. I've read your post and really feel for you. I hope in time you can release the self centered thinking and be satisfied with what God gives you, and if you can't be happy for these two, then at least not have the hard feelings.

Think about it. God is YOUR God. He died for YOU. He is concerned about YOU. He gives you every breath. He gives you salvation. He will give you a perfect mate, if that is your desire.

In my view, you should be concerned about pleasing God instead of these fellas. I hope you can understand my heart, here. I am a father. Young ladies do not need to be "looking" for a husband. Young men do not need to be "looking" for a wife. What we all need to be doing is making our lives holy and acceptable to God.

Let me add, to a person who is totally saturated with living for God, the most beautiful person is somebody else who is totally saturated with living for God. Live for God! Serve Him with patience, and He will eventually bring someone to you; who loves Him and will treat you right.

Amen! Amen! Amen!

Your focus is on getting a husband, not getting closer to God.

If you were to get married right now, there would only be added problems (in addition to normal getting-to- know-each -other-after -marriage problems).

You are not yet mature enough in the Lord to have a mature marriage.

The Lord answered your prayer just right.

I'm not saying you don't love the Lord, just that you have a lot more growing to do before you are ready for marriage and the Lord knows this.

You should NOT be looking for a husband. Focus on keeping yourself pure heart, mind, soul, and body. The Lord will bring a husband to YOU at the right time.

Nothing is more of a turn off to GODLY men than women who are aggressive and/or pursue them, and who seem more focused on catching a man than loving the Lord.

Also, if you want a godly husband one day, don't make the mistake of thinking they want to see every curve you have before you are married, because if THEY can see it so can every other guy in the assembly.

So, basically just pray and grow closer to the Lord and ask Him to make your will in line with His will (and really mean it ;) )

God Bless

[ddc101]

(quickly sticking head in only yells out)Who said husky?(running out door) :flame:

[accura2k]

Divorce is expensive, yet everybody is doing it. Where does all that green come from, the dollar tree?

[Abigail4476]

Divorce is expensive, yet everybody is doing it. Where does all that green come from, the dollar tree?

:confused:

Who's talking about divorce?

[TodayAGiftFrGod]

:confused:

Who's talking about divorce?

I think he means it's smarter not to get into the situation or the possibility of it in the first place since the majority of marriages do end in divorce... And, please don't go knocking him for his opinion... He is my son and I am down right proud of him... I wish I had been as level headed in some areas when I was his age, as he is.... He knows how to work, cut expenses and save. He cuts expenses and saves better than I ever did.

He's at work right now, he can answer for himself when he comes in tonight.

[accura2k]

:confused:

Who's talking about divorce?

You must have not read the third post.

What do we need to do as a country to fix the divorce-rate. Perhaps by making the guilty party of divorce as guilty as a murder or a thief. The guilty party is after all a criminal to his or her spouse and children.

Tell me if I understand this correctly. If I get married and later my wife decides to leave me, half of everything in my checking account goes to her, even what was saved BEFORE the marriage? Am I right?

The only currency in this world is our short lives. We don't exchange dollars for goods, we exchange hours of our lives. After taxes, my life is worth about $6.06/hour.

[Abigail4476]

You must have not read the third post.

What do we need to do as a country to fix the divorce-rate. Perhaps by making the guilty party of divorce as guilty as a murder or a thief. The guilty party is after all a criminal to his or her spouse and children.

Tell me if I understand this correctly. If I get married and later my wife decides to leave me, half of everything in my checking account goes to her, even what was saved BEFORE the marriage? Am I right?

The only currency in this world is our short lives. We don't exchange dollars for goods, we exchange hours of our lives. After taxes, my life is worth about $6.06/hour.

1. I did read the first post--but the divorce comment didn't register. :p

2. Actually, you don't understand it correctly, unless there is a law unique to your state or something. Legally, any property or money that you brought into the relationship will still be yours after a divorce. The only property that is divided is what was gained from the day of the marriage to the day of the divorce.

But as far as property goes--if you choose a woman to share your life with, then later your marriage is dissolved, it is only fair that you split the property that you both have gained, because she was half of the union. Unless, of course, there are extenuating circumstances such as infidelity, abuse, etc., that would disqualify her from receiving her portion.

3. As for not rushing into relationships--I agree with Estrada on that one. Another problem that leads to divorces is the erroneous idea that a person should divorce when they aren't "in love" with their spouse anymore. Too many people think "love" means some romantic feeling, when in reality it is a daily choice to actively care about the other person, and in marriage, it is a commitment to make that daily choice for the rest of your life. Whether the feelings are there on any particular day or not.

[Abigail4476]

I think he means it's smarter not to get into the situation or the possibility of it in the first place since the majority of marriages do end in divorce... And, please don't go knocking him for his opinion... He is my son and I am down right proud of him... I wish I had been as level headed in some areas when I was his age, as he is.... He knows how to work, cut expenses and save. He cuts expenses and saves better than I ever did.

He's at work right now, he can answer for himself when he comes in tonight.

TodayAGift,

I appreciate you stepping in for your son. However, I have a feeling he can hold his own. :tup: Anyone who offers their opinions in these forums must learn to expect disagreement because that is par for the course.

I do my best to treat everyone in this forum equally, and take their statements at face value, and expect them to support their opinions well, with good logic. No one gets preferential treatment just because their Mama is in the forum. :yeah: LOL!!!!!

But I understand. I'm a mommy, too. :spin:

[bjc40]

I am sorry about your heartache and disappointment, but you must forgive and leave any bitterness behind. :angel:
Meanwhile, I think there is a simple solution: :idea:

an "Arranged Marriage" :tup:

just think of all the time and expense you will save from having to date :yeah:

(wonder what the divorce rate is from arranged marriages???)

or the parents could just go "high bid" :icon_laug

and yall's opinion....
just wondering....
Brother bjc40

[survivor4christ]

"Christian" guys I imagine look for the same thing all other men look for in a girl. They want a husky girl, yet soft, she can be fair or dark, must have sense of humor, not prone to husband beating, will cook up a big meal for you and your budies when you get in from coon huntin, a big girl that'l keep you warm and happy on late nights in the winter, and then change all the diapers on the baby that comes the next fall! Yeah, that's what all real men want, whether they know it or not. :)


Well, then there is hope for me after all, Bro. Dale! ;)

Let's stand in agreement for my mate! :o :spin:

Sis. Wenona

[conform2facts]

At the risk of sounding harsh I would like to know; is the pastor aware of all of this. There are some serious spiritual issues going on here that if not addressed can lead one to hell because the never knew HIM. Busy bodies, gossip, jealousy, envy and asking amiss I see in the entire story line...oh yeah and the root of bitterness....which only troubles you.

[dllong]

"Christian" guys I imagine look for the same thing all other men look for in a girl. They want a husky girl, yet soft, she can be fair or dark, must have sense of humor, not prone to husband beating, will cook up a big meal for you and your budies when you get in from coon huntin, a big girl that'l keep you warm and happy on late nights in the winter, and then change all the diapers on the baby that comes the next fall! Yeah, that's what all real men want, whether they know it or not. :)

Indeed...

Minus the "husky" and "big girl" references, don't want a gal bigger than me.

;-)

[ifnotforgrace]

Listen girl, you really shoulda posted this in the ladies room! ;) Just be yourself and don't try to figure out what guys are looking for. When you start trying to change yourself into everything that "guys" are looking for, you will end up not being You and then in the end you will not find the right one because the guy out there that God has for you is looking for you and if you are trying to be anything buy yourself, the guy God has for you won't recognize you. :spin: did that make sense at all. BESIDES I remember being at our florida youth camp and I met the perfect guy. I am 5'11 and this guy was taller than I. I fell for him during an altar service. Seriously, my mind was really on God but I did notice him still helping to pray people through. I really admired his zeal for God. and he was soooo cute! He noticed me too! We even went' the the banquet together. We wrote. we called. we never hooked up and I prayed because I just knew he was the one. Excuse the reference to a worldly song, but " Thank God for unanswered prayers" I wasn't looking for my husband when GOD INTRODUCED us. It just happened. And we have had the best 10 years ever. and by the way,... I recently found the website of the church that my youth camp man attends and I saw his picture. His wife wears make up and such and they don't stand for the things that I hold dear to my heart! I hope you understand what I am trying to say! All of your tomorrows have already passed God's eyes!
Okay, if I am out there, it is because it is 4:30am. :spin:

[ifnotforgrace]

Wow this is like being in the mens bathroom....let me out of here quick :tup:
I'm with you sis. this is creepy! :goof:

[2Cor 5:19]

There was this guy at my church that i liked alot and he liked me.
Then he left the church for about 2 yrs and during that time I prayed that God would bring him back to church to serve and love him and also to be my spouse.

So he comes back he talks a little to me and I am praising God for sending him back to church and also thanking God that he will be my spouse.

Mean while this new girl starts coming and (She looks good to the eye) and he forgets all about me and follows after her like a puppy dog. So then he starts worshipping and getting deeper in church and she starts talking to him and I am forgotten.

So I then start getting bitter feelings toward him because he lead me on and then I started having bitter feelings toward her because she knew we were talking.

And come to find out his sis-in-law introduced them and that is why he came back to church. Don't i feel like a fool.
So now here it is almost 2 yrs later and they are getting married and I am hurt and betrayed.

I fill betrayed by him because he lead me on....But i also feel betrayed by God. Because I thought he had answered my prayer. Now I am stuggling to stay in church.

So I would like to know "What do "Christian" guys look for in a woman?

Is it the same as the world guys do....The womans Looks or is it something more?"

Also I have prayed for the bitterness to be taking away and when I think it has it comes back again.

I don't like feeling hurt and being betrayed. Nor do i like having bitterness toward my bro and sis in the church.

Pray for me...Thank You Sister you should relax and not worry about what Christian men are looking for! If your saved that's what they're looking for! If your a true woman know your place in a relationship, have no problem with him being the head! You won't have a problem in my opinion but when you try to figure out what they want you lose sight of what you want! Because it's not about change it's about compromise so just remain Holy, humble and pray God will put it on the right man's heart to make you his wife. God Bless!

[ifnotforgrace]

To relate a cute story: Young Sally was talking with the "older" woman and asked, "Mary, do you know what love is? " Mary said, "oh yes Sally, I do" Becoming more curious, Sally askes, "But Mary, do you know what love, REALLY is?" "Oh yes I do!" replied Mary. Sally perks up, Oh Mary tell me what love really is" Mary replies, "Sally, love is cooking, cleaning, taking care of the house, washing, ironing and so on"

Okay, I know it is a little off the topic but we women have a lot of preparations to take care of because when we decide to get married, it doesn't just come automatically. So what does this have to do with the topic? When it comes down to it, a man will be looking for someone who is going to take their place in the home the way God intended and to care for them the way we are supposed to care for a our mate. Looks will ultimately change. Hair will eventually turn grey. After children, we women will never look the same! The man you really want is looking for a woman to mother his children and care for him and to guide their home! Prov. 31--that is what a man wants. thankfully we don't have to make our own clothes any more!:o

[Apostolicdad]

I am sorry about your heartache and disappointment, but you must forgive and leave any bitterness behind. :angel:
Meanwhile, I think there is a simple solution: :idea:

an "Arranged Marriage" :tup:

just think of all the time and expense you will save from having to date :yeah:

(wonder what the divorce rate is from arranged marriages???)

or the parents could just go "high bid" :icon_laug

and yall's opinion....
just wondering....
Brother bjc40ill take one lol

[Sis T]

ill take one lol

Why just one Bro Greg? A big LOL. :icon_laug
I'm like Sis C, I'm getting out of here.